Scattered Windows, Connected Doors

Posted on by Parul Thakur
Source : http://www.swcd.in/
Source : http://www.swcd.in/

Last week I got an opportunity to watch a documentary on the lives and thoughts of eight Indian women and their take on family, love, sex, success, financial independence, marriage and so much more. This documentary was an inspiration to me in the most candid form and firmed my belief in a lot of ways and over a lot of topics.

I have kind of shared my thoughts in some form or the other on most of the topics but here is an attempt to highlight my key takeaways from the documentary.

Never be second on your priority list of people. Most of the times, a woman thinks of parents, kids, boy-friend, husband, in-laws or work first. She fails to keep herself first. Time for your own self is important. You are the most important person and if you can’t find time to fuel your thoughts and take your life ahead on your terms, what are you living for? I am not asking you to be self-centered, all that I am asking you is to grab 30 mins out of 24 hours every day to do something that you “want” to do. It should be “your” time!

What people think of you is their problem? The world is real big and you can never keep everyone happy. People will always have some problem or the other in whatever you do. If they find you successful, they will assume you reached on the top too quickly and if they see you fail, they will say you did not try enough. Ignore what others have to say. The only question riding on your mind should be – Can I justify my beliefs, value systems and thoughts? If yes, move on and live life on your terms.

Marriage – what next? Marriage is never the end of a relationship; it’s the start to a new beginning. It’s a phase of new responsibilities and newer relationships. Be open to what a marriage has to bring – there will be companionship, love, trust, mistrust, hate and distance. Being married and choosing to stay married should be entirely your decision. Abuse – whether sexual, physical or mental should not have any place in a marriage. Even if you sell out the junk at your house, you can get money in return. So why daughters should be given away along with dowry? Does that mean their value is even lower than the junk you have? A failed marriage is also a form of learning. It teaches you what you want from a partner and where to draw lines and call it quits.

Defining success: When it’s your life, who tells you whether you succeeded or lost? To begin with, ask yourself. The criterion for success is like a recipe – the ingredients are the same but what is added when and in what quantity is decided by the one who cooks. For me it’s contentment. For you it may be fame, money, or anything else. Let no one else decide this for you.

Financial Independence: This is again something that is a personal choice. I may be comfortable with sweating it out every day and feeling empowered when that pay check lands into my account at the end of the month. It’s a form of strength in my ability to earn my living. For you – it may be something else. Whether you decide to work or choose to stay at home, it’s a decision you should be comfortable with.

Follow your passion: I am a firm believer in following one’s passion. You may be working and you may be earning a lot but the question to ask yourself is whether this is what you want to do for the rest of your life? Find what you love to do and then work on making it a living. You never know what happens next – you may succeed and end up being happy with everyday work or you may figure out some way to find time to do what you love. I know of tech folks who paint and do quilling over weekends. I also know of HR Managers who take piano classes and eagerly look forward to that one day in week.

Kids and Values: Starting a family, having first or second or nth child is a personal decision. Why do we always find a chance to hover on the same topic for married couples? Why does every one want to have a progeny? Why do people look into whose eyes and whose nose the baby has got? Aren’t there already so many children in this world? No offence to parents here cos they did what they wanted to. I’m only asking to let people decide for themselves.

Sex and Choices: Isn’t sex a natural function of the body? Then why is it such a taboo to talk about? Whether Adam marries Eve or Steve, its Adam’s life! Let him grab the apple or pineapple. PRIDE is a pride. Let it breathe with dignity.

There are so many topics that I could touch upon this post, but it all boils down to what do you want from your life? This life is your only chance to make a mark and to have confidence in your existence. If you strongly feel about your views on anything similar or in additional to the above, you should not miss a chance to watch Scattered Windows, Connected Doors. I am sure it will firm up your belief on a lot of things as it did to mine!

As I wrap up this post, I realize that this is a 900+ words post and hence a response to Twist of Day 20 : Writing 101 challenge

 

17 thoughts on “Scattered Windows, Connected Doors”

  1. In cultures where dowry is still practiced, there exist a belief that it is the son’s responsibility to care for his parents financially and otherwise. Women are not expected to take any of this burden. There often is no social security type safety net for old retirees.

    In these cultures, the husband holds full responsibility to provide for his wife and his children. Women do not have this responsibility.

    This creates an incentive for families to have lots of male heirs and women are then seen as burdens. Hence the dowry.

    I’m not trying to justify it, just explain the cultural belief. To fix this problem one needs to do more than advocate for equal rights. One must also advocate for equal responsibility.

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    1. Thanks for sharing this information and I am glad there is some reasoning behind the culture of dowry. Don’t you think this is the era of equal responsibility? I come from a culture where though dowry is prevalent, a guy gets married only when he is self sufficient to provide for his wife. Wife is an equal partner and in cases where she works, it adds up to the families income to support either’s parents.

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      1. I agree that each should bear the responsibility or better put that there should be no expectation on either gender.

        My point is that, quite often, people judge things through their own religious and cultural biases and norms. Seek first to understand. Their is no ONE right way for society to organize itself.

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  2. Loved it. And about defining success I think everything boils down to contentment. At the end of ones life if one is not content with what he was running after he can’t call himself successful. If I want fame and at one point I fill happy with my area of fame, that’s success!

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  3. Very well written Parul and I must say bang on. Most women wallow in self pity in trying to be a superwoman. Why do you need to be one, is the question?

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  4. v well articulated . Maximum women underestimate them and spend their life on terms and conditions . To recognize their identity still they have to go miles away ………………..

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  5. Very well written ! This article should be published in a newspaper so that people who are tolerating things from the family might get a different perspective about life ! Do i need success or failure in life ? Nah ! I will just try . At the end i dont want to repent saying i should have tried a bit more 🙂

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  7. Some very good points here about how not to be taken in by others’ definitions of happiness, success, relationship, contentment or anything. It is important for everyone, but particularly more so for women many of whom tend to be more vulnerable to giving in.

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