Parents’ choice

Posted on by Parul Thakur

Parents found the right match – caste, culture, family, and financial status. They met the day they got engaged. They had a big fat Indian wedding and a lovely honeymoon.

He was 25, she was 21. Life suddenly changed for both of them. He was on cloud nine. He was the first amongst his friends to get married. That’s when he got to know he was about become a father and suddenly his life was put on halt. No random movie plans, no pubs and no sleep over at friends’ place. He knew his wife needed him but he never got to know her. It all happened too fast. The baby was born at her parents’ place and he went to see her twice. He never knew what to say to the woman who bore his child. She was different and he had different hopes from life. He needed a friend but this friend was not his wife. He changed his job, left his home, changed his number and told his wife – “I will not come back home!”  He was 26.

She was 21, he was 25. Life suddenly changed for both of them. She was on cloud nine. She had all she wanted – new clothes, jewelry and a new life to look forward to. That’s when she got to know she was about to become a mother and suddenly her life was put on halt. No shopping with friends, no random movies plans, no giggles and no gossips. She knew she was married but she hardly knew her husband. He was different and she never felt comfortable. He came to see her twice when the baby was born. Both the times, she did not know what to say. There was no emotional connect. She was happy with the new addition in her life but she was not happy with her life. She wanted to work, be independent and to be able to prove herself. Then he disappeared. She was free now. She was 22.

After all, it was parents’ choice.

19 thoughts on “Parents’ choice”

  1. Oh no .. that is such a shame .. so what if it was parents choice that does not mean he should shirk away from his responsibilities ..

    Sad a perfectly good family scattered …

    the child will grow without both the parents SAD.. its not his/her fault why should he/she suffer ..

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  2. well written but one sided what is the solution when you are not well qualified to get a decent job and live in small towns you can guide thousands of helpless girls what to do in such situations how to convince parents who want to wash off their hands after kanyadaan or their meagre resources does not permit them to get their daughters educated gainfully

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    1. I agree this is one sided. It’s more of a fictional piece but i know this is not entirely a story. We in India keep hearing about such things. I would just say one thing- there is much more to life than what we think of!

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  4. This is the condition of our society, so aptly written in form of an expression. Literally few people get married and before they know anything a child comes and they are forced to stay for a lifetime no matter what they really want, manytimes they adjust stating their fate and this is so wrong.

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  5. When I tell people that I wanted to get married when I was 20 and managed to do so when I was 23, they are surprised. Most people tend to tell me that 20 is too young an age to decide whom to marry. I always disagree and tell them that the age by itself does not matter – the choice must be yours. That is what is important.

    I completely agree with the point you’re trying to make – perhaps changing the mindset of rural India will be difficult. But urban, educated middle-class India can still change. And arranged marriages in such families are changing. These days, the boy and girl chat and meet for a few months before deciding to take the plunge. That’s a great step forward (I know a lot of people will say a few months isn’t enough time – but this truly is a personal choice!)

    I also know a lot of couples (from my parents’ generation) who had arranged marriages when they were not yet 20 but are very very happy today. In fact, just today, I met a 63-year old lady who recently lost her husband of 44 years. The love with which she spoke of him was touching. So there are two sides to this. 🙂

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    1. Agree! The other side to it is to make your own choice whether at 20 or at 40!! The middle class mindset is changing but there is still a long way to go! I wish more and more people could make decisions on their own and decide what right for them!

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  7. Sad and true. However, the way I see it, it’s just one scenario in many. The debate about arrange marriage is never ending. At times, there isn’t always a happy ending for people who get to know each other and understand each other, or have same dreams.
    Probably, at times, taking that one step to see and befriend your partner could save a disaster. Just, my opinion.

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