My cousin’s wedding card was delivered this evening. I am happy that he found the love of his life and is choosing to be with her for the rest of his life.
What upset me was that the invitation was addressed to VT. We talk so much about women, their independence and what not yet I did not have my name on the card and I’ve known this cousin since I was a child. Yes, we are a patriarchal society. Period.
Even after having taken VT’s last name, my own family refers to me as VT’s wife and not as “Parul”.
New Year, New Possibilities! Thank you Readers for making 2014 such a great year and encouraging me to blog. Your comments, likes, shares and tweets keep me going. I promise to write better!
happiness and food 
I have faced something similar – whenever we run into acquaintances, they ask SR, “Where do you work?” But I am always asked “DO you work?” and sometime, not even that!
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Ouch! That’s not so good!
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Oh it does happen in india (atleast what i know)… same happened with me exactlymy cousin gave me a card this week and wrote my hubby’s name on it.. i joked that write my name also and he wrote Amit with family 😉😐….what to say!
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What to say becomes hard!
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Have you considered that the person sending the card was trapped in the same situation? That perhaps they thought to put your name on the card but didn’t want to go against cultural and societal norms? As a man, how do you think I feel when a woman assumes that my wife is the cook in the family? How does the husband feel when he is expected to carry the heavy luggage while his wife stands by? Both sexes are trapped inside the walls of cultural expectations.
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I do agree with you! Both sexes are trapped in some way or the other.
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Sad reality!
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ok now dont shoot me please .. what is wrong in that .. (I am asking not because of feminist or menist).. does it matter that much if the card was addressed to you :).. would it make any difference between the happiness you had on receiving it …
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So, the only thought that came to me was “India will never change. Things like a wedding invitation are always addressed to males even if it’s the wife’s side of the family.” My point is why not Ms. Yo.
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Hmmm ok if I have to send you a invitation card or any card I will make sure to address it as ms. Parul. . Will that be ok…
Happy. ..
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Lol!! 🙂
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To, Parul Thakur and family:
Its a reality, Obviously, it should be on the name of family not individual.
I would like to change it in my mrrg. If I could. (I will be having few limitations **family/society** you know!).
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If you can, influence the way it works. That’s the least we can do to change mindsets!
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A thought if try, is half battle won! 🙂
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So right!!
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Can I join in and say that a friend of mine actually wrote dad’s name and family, and handed it over to dad 😉 K, I do get what you say but I guess when you storm through hundred of letters.. it’s somehow what ppl have been following.. mr and family? Parul, I must say at the least cards to aa rahe h.. e-cards ni where u r tagged n invited, of course 😀
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Ha ha! That was too much!
Shaadi ke card toh aa hi jaate hai. nai? Better than ecards any day! 😀
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In many wedding invitation scenarios, ladies of the family are supposed to come and invite the house, only then ladies would go to the wedding. I generally, don’t like any of these formalities. I don’t even like to attend each and every wedding, to tell the truth. But since it was your close cousin, I understand why you felt bad for not addressing to you too, Parul. 🙂
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Yeah – that’s the point!Plus, I also feel in India, males are by default addressed when being invited or called up for a social thing.
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It’s so funny: I just realized that I almost never look at the envelope. I just open it and read the card. You better believe I’ll look at the next one to see how I’m addressed.
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Cool! and let me know what you see on the envelope!
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yes, very irritating, some of these habits..
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Yes, this is truly annoying and irritating beyond words. South Asian mentality puts women on the periphery of a man’s existence. As if we do NOT exist on our own and because in our culture its not allowed either..
Really, sorry to hear about the invite thinge!!
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Thanks for stopping by! yes, i did feel sad that day..
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