How about #PropertyForDaughter?

Posted on by Parul Thakur

I am not going to write about the trending hash tag Selfie With Daughter or share what I think of it. From politicians to influential Indians, from FB friends to family members, many have joined this initiative and it has created a necessary ripple on the social media. I am all in for positive reinforcement and if this initiative supports the Beti Bachao Beti Padhao movement, so be it.

What I want to talk about today is something that my father shared with me over a call this week. His close friend VNR Uncle has been working at the grass root level in Haryana and encouraging people to think of their daughters. To think that they are not a liability. To think that they need to be educated and not just prepped to get married and bear children. To think that women need to be respected and it all begins at home. He is doing some real good work there and he shared an incident with my father that is worth mentioning.

He was addressing some people in Haryana and below are some questions he asked the ones who were all ears:

How many of you think of your daughter as your son?

In response to this, many hands went up.

Just to be clear, such a question should be taken at the literal meaning here – how many fathers think that their daughter(s) needs to be educated, given a fair share of freedom at home and outside, that they will support parents in old age, help the family in times of financial crisis etc.

How many of you think of your son as your daughter?

In response to this one, no hand went up.

No father thought that sons should know how to cook, sons should clean up the table after dinner and help mother in the kitchen when she needs. No single father thought that when the son gets married he will not be able to look after aging parents. No father was ready to think that sons will have their own family one day and they may not be able to answer a call or pay a visit.

Now, that’s our problem. We want to treat our daughter as our son but we don’t want to treat our son as our daughter. We want to make our daughters face the world with a new ray of hope – the one that puts them on an equal footage with their brothers but we don’t want our sons to adjust or compromise after marriage. We don’t want our sons to give up on anything after marriage. But daughters? Well, we have traditions like kanyadaan and we tell daughters that their final journey should begin from their husband’s house and that there were born a paraya dhan.

How many of you will give an equal share of your property to your daughter? Many hands go up. Yes, fathers have thought about it. Children are equal in the eyes of father. How many are you are willing to sign it off on a legal paper? Not many. Not even a few hands go up in the air.

I saw this post on VNR Uncle’s FB page and this is worth sharing.

FB

Like #SelfieWithDaughter was trending, will #PropertyForDaughter trend? Of all the daughters who are on the social media, can they click a picture and then tag to say, “I will be given an equal share in my parents’ property”? Oh wait a minute, if you are thinking this is about money, this is not. This is about gender equality. This is about giving sons every damn thing right from lighting funeral pyre to share in property. It is about telling the daughter that she was educated and married off. That’s her share paid in full. It’s about telling the brother, that your partner will get his/her share so you stop worrying about your sister’s. It’s about bringing equality that’s not just for the sake of it.

To start with, I can say that my father has assured me that he will give me a 50% share in his property and is willing to put a legal seal onto it and my brother is aware of this fact. I don’t have a selfie with my father but trust me, I will do it when the time comes!

Can you say that with as much confidence as I say so?

45 thoughts on “How about #PropertyForDaughter?”

  2. I am all for #PropertyForDaughter and yes its about gender equality, very sensitively written post on an issue we need to focus much attention in today’s South Asia.

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  3. Well said! The responses to the questions are very interesting, and hopefully challenged the audience in some cases to think differently. Thanks for this thoughtful post.

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  5. Correct me if I am wrong, but according to me, there is already a law in India to this effect. Legally, daughters have equal property rights, in the absence of a will that specifically entrusts the property to a male child or anyone else. As far as a socio-cultural change goes, that may take time.

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  7. Thats a really good idea. Due execution could solve a lot of problems like parents with only daughters, facing old age alone. Its sad that people will allow a nephew to light the funeral pyre instead of a true daughter, its a shame really.

    However, when you say that its about gender equality, im not sure property for daughter is an effective solution. Dont you think that in the kind of families where daughters are uncared for, daughter in laws are abused more. Who in the end will gain from the girl’s father’s share of property. Mine is no expert’s opinion here, its just a thought.

    Plus, I cannot say i have half my fathers property, but if i did, wouldnt i be biting that half from the woman who marries my brother? And dont i have a half of my father in law’s property?

    I dont think property is a problem here. Women get a due share. Of course, there should be a law and a system for unmarried daughters or anyone who needs it.

    Yet, yours is a great post, definitely needs some serious thinking. Do excuse my overly long comment 😉 i just wish to explore the issue, not argue i swear.

    🙂 🙂 🙂

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    1. I appreciate your comment and don’t you worry about length of the comment. I am grateful that you found this post worthy enough to share your thoughts!
      I think it is about gender equality. If you had your share of property from your father, even your brother’s wife would have her father’s. All that I am trying to emphasize is daughters should be treated like sons whether they marry or not. I find it very wrong to say that daughters belong to some oether family after marriage.
      Also, in our country there is law but I have seen brothers not even thinking of married sisters when the division of property takes place. Sisters don’t speak up cos they feel their parents never spoke openly about sharing the property equally. They remain quiet and the brothers take it as their birth right. Ah, I am happy you spoke about this and I got to write more 🙂

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      1. Thats very right. I just thought having half of my father’s and half of my husband’s father’s …was all very complicated. But im all for treating daughters at par with sons if not better. And im sooo against calling a daughter paraya dhan….thats abominable.

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  8. VNR uncle is sure a hero!

    I completely agree with #PropertyForDaughter. Inequality is as prevalent in law as it is in society and it is time it changed. I don’t understand why people have to thick twice for something as basic as this. Property needs to be divided equally among all the children. Irrespective of gender. It is a really sad state to be fighting for something as basic as this.

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  10. Ooo.. You did it.. once again.. an excellent post that I couldn’t stop reading over and over again..!! How do you do this Parul..
    And your uncle.. he’s a super hero.. Thank you for sharing one..
    Next thing, am sending the link of this post to my dad..

    Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Cheers

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  11. I absolutely agree with your statement that we now strive to treat our daughters like our sons but not vice versa! And, by doing so, we add more stress to our daughters because now they are told that they can be educated and have great careers but they still have to get married and manage house, spouse and kids all by themselves!!

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  13. A typical Indian family while supporting the girl child, psycholgically prepares her for the ultimate emotional blackmail as well – to meekly surrender her lawful share in parental assets.
    My advice to them is – be grateful that the family equations are too precious to upset you; but whenever in life it is convenient, do write two words to family – ‘I know.’

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  16. I loved your uncle’s part about provoking thought on the double standard of son’s vs daughter’s expectations. And property is definitely putting ones money where ones mouth is!! I wrote an entire thesis on “Disinheriting Daughters: Applying Hindu Laws of inheritance to the Khoja Ismaili community of Western India from 1827 – 1947” as was fascinated by the whole question of culture, gender, identify and its construct in a colonial legal context.

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  17. #PropertyforDaughter is such an interesting initiative. Thanks Parul for bringing out the work being done by your uncle to get this initiative going. I am sure every such step however small it may be would help to make a difference :).

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  20. Yeah. what you’ve written about needs to be addressed soon. The #PropertyForDaughter makes more sense than the #SelfieWithDaughter, any day. Maybe it was just a gimmick promoted by Matrimonial sites? :p
    Just kidding. But the issue you’ve addressed is absolutely true. Maybe the captions of the #SelfieWithDaughter pics would include the property part if Emma Watson leads us all?
    But we shouldn’t wait for any kind of leadership. We need to fight for gender equality. That’s the need of the hour.

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  22. raised valid questions Parul, completely agree with below lines. We both are daughters, so property question doesn’t arise for us 🙂

    “No father thought that sons should know how to cook, sons should clean up the table after dinner and help mother in the kitchen when she needs. No single father thought that when the son gets married he will not be able to look after aging parents. No father was ready to think that sons will have their own family one day and they may not be able to answer a call or pay a visit.”

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