#MondayMusings – Menstruation Stigmas

Posted on by Parul Thakur

Almost two years ago, it was a usual work day and I was in a status with a Senior Manager. The meeting went longer than expected and the discussion was a good one. 90 minutes later when I got up from the fancy beige colored chair feeling that I had got a lot done, I had stained the chair badly. One look at that and I was shocked and hugely embarrassed. I apologized multiple times, called up house keeping to remove the chair, went to the restroom to change, asked for an emergency vehicle and immediately called it a day. At home as well, I couldn’t get over it. I poured my frustration over VT and told him how he never bothers to check how I was doing and why I left office early. (Not his fault at all, I was menstruating and stained, left office not cos I was in pain but cos I was too ashamed to face those two managers again). And today too as I am typing this, I know I haven’t yet got over it.

That’s the stigma tied with menstruating.

It is hidden so that no one ever knows why a female’s face is all pale and why she is moving her meetings to the next day, why she called in sick, why she refuses to walk that extra mile and the so many reasons. Menstruating is not considered normal. I was denied an entry into the famous Vishwanath Temple in Varanasi by my hostel warden as she knew that my cycle was on. I have been told to not touch pickles, not water Tulsi plant, and not touch idols during my periods.  I am sure many have been told the same. Chemists parcel a pack of whisper in a black poly bag and women at work carry their bags to restroom if they need to change. Women pop pills to push it to a later date if a wedding is on the cards. That’s how much we loathe the natural menstruation cycle.

Kiran Gandhi did the unthinkable. She ran a marathon without a tampon and let the blood running down her legs. It’s no easy feat with so many people watching you and clicking pictures, she did what she thought was right. She had her reasons.

Spreading awareness around the social stigmas associated with Menstruation. And boy! She was successful in her attempt. An Indian American, currently in news all over the world from east to west, she did her bit to shut the shamers.

And no, it is not that educated people do not shame this. Even Instagram banned a personal photograph of Rupi Kaur. They had to later apologize but the harm was done. This time Kiran spoke up. Tomorrow some one else will come up but the message is the same. Stop shaming what’s a normal body function. Stop changing the channel when a sanitary napkin commercial is aired. Stop shying away from talking about your pain.

Speak up, share your story and stop feeling embarrassed for that stain. As I am sharing this with you dear friend, I am telling this to myself too. Now that it is out in the open, it is not my most embarrassing moment ever!

Watch this short video and you will not leave without a smile on your face 🙂

Since this post is longer than a #MicroblogMondays post, it is being tagged as a #MondayMusings post. Mel, I will still tag it for your readers! Hope you don’t mind this one time! Happy Monday!

59 thoughts on “#MondayMusings – Menstruation Stigmas”

  1. Well I can relate to that incident of yours I too faced the same situation once when I was school and have just started menstruating …I got my white dress stained and the guy sitting behind me told me this …and I couldn’t forget that incident for a very long time …indeed a very embrassing moment…when guys give that look to you and giggle …this need to change 😦

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    1. Yes, it needs to change. I was 12 and on an educational tour. It was the month of December and super cold. I still had my pullover tied to my waist and I kept on saying I am not feeling cold. All cos I was hiding that little stain on my white skirt. Gosh! those days!

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      2. Yes me too – as an 8th standard kid braving the painful orthodontic treatment sitting in the dentist’s chair, and the moment I got up my light yellow skirt was stained – was I embarrassed, oh yes and the walk back home curling the skirt sideways. I was advised too not to touch pickle, but the ‘analytical’ me had wanted to test the theory and it so miserably failed! I have always touched and eaten pickle, gone to temples and other religious functions. Over years it’s has only grown stronger in me that my body is my business, and I do not give ‘no period’ certificates to people about myself.
        Also one time me and a bunch of hostel mates had found a sweet deal on sanitary napkins – Many many years back when Whisper was launching. A few of us decided to buy a huge stock that would have fitted many ‘black poly bags’ – we refused to take it in those and instead carried them all in usual translucent white poly bags much to the amazement of the shop guy.
        To the meeting example Parul, how many male coworkers (seniors, peers or juniors) would understand that their women colleagues continue to work with the same pace and attention while their tummies are cramping or blood and other gooeys are flowing out of their bodies – month on month!
        At home I let my female domestic help share my stock of Whisper, she knows where it is kept and is fully authorised to pull a couple out should she require. She is also authorised to self adjust her level of physical work during her cycle. It’s my way of allowing them an equivalent of ‘push the meeting to tomorrow’

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  4. As you said, it shouldn’t be embarrassing, but it leaves us embarassed! I had a similar experience during the first week of my engineering college days – the new place, new friends, away from home and a stained salwar! I cried for an hour after reaching back hostel room. I believe the stigma is starting to die as we are talking more about menstruation out in the open!

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  5. Wow..!! This video is incredible.. and so is your post.. Witnessing that sight in the office.. just the thought of it is so scary, and you faced it..
    Well, I for one, have started going against all the stigmas attached with the period.. abandoned all the irrational rules that come along with menstrual cycle.. and posts like this give me more encouragement to explain it to others..

    Thanks for sharing this one and doing the magic with your writing Parul..

    Cheers

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    1. Thanks for sharing Geetika!
      I abandoned all the stigmas the day I was denied entry to the temple in Varanasi(long back). My logic says that if God gave me periods, why can’t I enter His temple? If it was a dirty thing, I would have had it ever. To my 17 year self that was so irrational that I never followed anything.

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  6. That is an amazing statement: to run the marathon with the blood present and visible. It makes me feel a little silly tucking the tampon box to the bottom of the grocery cart so others don’t see it.

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  7. I would have died of embarrassment too…happened to me in school once but being an all girls’ school, the embarrassment wasn’t so much.

    I remember an incident when we visited a water park, a friend was wearing a red kurta, which left colour after getting wet on the water slide, the boys made such a joke out of it, and she wasn’t even on her periods…..imagine the mindset and stigma associated with it..

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    1. The mindset is crazy. Imagine in some parts of the country, women are not allowed to even enter kitchen. What would you say to that? What if there is a baby who needs food or an elder who needs help.

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      2. I do that Parul.. I carry the green whisper napkin right in my hands from my cubicle to the washroom… and I am not scared to tell my male boss/colleagues that I am on first day so I will be leaving early to get some rest. We should just tell it as we tell about headache or fever.. no need to disguise under pretext!

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  8. There’s not as much stigma about menstruation here in Canada, but that chair incident would have been embarrassing for any woman, Parul. Writing about it must make it less so, and I’m glad of that.
    It sounds like Kiran Gandhi was making a point. Running a marathon without a tampon during your period takes a lot of nerve! Rupi Kaur was likely hoping to spark a discussion with her Instagram photo and obviously the tactic worked. 🙂 May all of you brave women keep up the good work, breaking down those old taboos.

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  9. Ahh! I had written a long, angry post about menstruation stigma as my Facebook status once. I think people were embarrassed to even read it! I don’t know though.
    Frankly, it is the elders who teach us that we should be “ashamed” of ourselves for discussing it. Once I was dying (ok, not dying, but felt like it) of pain in class, and when the girls told the teacher that I have stomach ache (so synonymous with periods, that the boys in my class never said they had “stomach ache” even if they had food poisoning or something!) her response was, “You girls these days have no shame! How can you let people know that you have stomach ache? Be strong and sit up!” Well, I couldn’t.

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  10. It used to happen in school – very helpfully we had white uniforms! Good take to address the issue.
    That said, I was appalled by what Kiran did. It was not making a stand – as a runner, I feel nauseatic. All that blood and sweat between my legs for hours??? Eeeww!! Cups and tampons work fine. It is not about liberation – those people who run and defecate their pants to finish the race don’t get the same applause. I would have respected her had she not known she was due to start and still kept going stains aside. But this deliberate attempt is disgusting (in the hygienic sense). And NOT liberating.

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    1. Thanks for sharing! I feel that what she was something I can never think of but she did it and it is making waves for its boldness and the way shamers were shut up. I think in here, the intent is more important. Yes hygiene wise I agree but it was her choice. Isn’t it?

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  11. Thankfully I have had no incidents of staining till now, touch wood. But the way people treat you when they know you have your period on is just not acceptable. I wrote a post about it some time ago.

    We need to educate people more about the natural body function and that there is nothing inauspicious associated with it. Having said that what Kiran Gandhi and Rupi Kaur did, did not make any sense to me. I do agree that they were trying to make a point, but those pictures disturbed me. If it is meant to be a normal thing, why display it? There are other ways to spread the word.

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    1. I remember reading you post Soumya and I agree to your point that pictures are something that we would have never expected. Something that’s so hidden, who posts a picture of that? But in Rupi Kaur’s case, Instagram accepted their mistake and it was a win in my mind. In Kiran’s case, I feel it was a choice she had – don’t run or let herself bleed. As women we know how friction between legs causes painful rashes. A tampon would have done that. And letting go of the race was not an option. She was practicing for that over a long time. It’s just a choice to convey I guess!

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  12. You know period slamming and all this shame associated with menstruation needs to stop…And stop it must starting with women..Look at women going around yucking what these people did… Okay, it might not have been a pretty sight and I might never have the guts to do it to make a point but slam her, call her callous and insinuate that people are doing silly things in the name of creating awareness is only harming our own cause as women…That is our biggest problem and until that is done away with this stigma is here to stay propagated by women more than anything…

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    1. I would not have been able to put as strongly as you have said it. Women are feeling disgusted by these pictures cos it is something we never show off. It’s natural but at the same time, they did what they thought was right and speaking about it is our choice. But yes, I agree to your point that women need to support women.

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  13. I guess every other female will have their share of stories courtesy menstruation. I have missed almost all my science practicals because of one such incident. And then the guilt trips associated with each. The harm is already done. And the irony is that nobody notices. If at all someone does, they just make you feel guilty further. Such a bad situation for anyone…right???

    I had written this personal account last year. In case you want to read it.
    http://rekhadhyani.com/2014/07/18/the-curse-of-the-snake-god/

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  14. I have to agree with what Soumya has said above. In the case of the marathon runner, it seemed unnecessary to run without a tampon in order to make a point. I am all for removing the stigma around menstruation or the taboos for that matter, because they don’t make sense- not going to the temple or being ‘unclean’ etc, but to display it to the world, well, that’s just not my cup of tea.

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    2. Yes I also not for displaying it to the world.. I we don’t expose our urination or excreta to the world.. then why this? Way too much to make a point.

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  16. I had such an embarrassing day at school that too on white dress day… I used to carry extra sweater to tie it around my waist because you never know when the stain shows up. More than anything, I feel it’s the embarrassment that woman feels about the stain needs to stop. Even now, although I live with my husband, I can’t stand the stains on bed. I feel bad about it … like a guilt sometimes. Unlike the runner , I am not the one who would like to show it around, I don’t feel anyone would be comfortable with blood stains. But it’s the whole attitude that we have that needs to change. It’s so much worse in villages where rules are imposed on girls.

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    1. I have a same guilt Rajlakshmi every month. Even our attitude about feeling guilty every month has to change. I am sure even she would not have been comfortable but she had a aim in mind.

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  17. Very well said Parul, I was nodding my head to nearly every point in your post. About the marathon runner – the best way I can put it is that though I am not stigmatized by periods and for example, would discuss the menstrual cup most openly, I still consider it a personal experience and not something that could be broadcast quite so publicly :). But again, to each her own.

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  18. Hi parulthakur, your are really a great brave woman. Need lot of dare and challenging to post such an incident….. . You are right we have to change and bring that awareness.
    I can relate to that incident of yours I too faced the same situation once when my mom and myself was in bus journey. Somebody left the white seat with large napkin size red stains (really big), we are in hurry and my mom sat on that seat. We sat side by side. But I noticed that mark, my mom didn’t. Am too small (10 years) to discuss about it with my mom and I felt ashamed too. As we expected every one gave that look when our destination reached. My mom felt real bad and immediately she checked her back, but she didn’t. Then I realized it’s the time to speak out. I said those words loudly “It s already exists mom,” and also I said to bus man, “Please change the seat cover and make it clean.
    After this situation happen my mom gave me a cute smile at me…. I felt really happy on that time I don’t know why.   
    In my school days I never face any menstrual accidents. But I do feel that I have stains on those days so, always keep on check my back. And keep ask my friends whether if I had any.
    In my childhood, my granny keep on telling lot of restrictions… really lot of list..Those are
    1. Don’t touch any one and anything. If I accidently touched it I have to wash it.
    2. I have to eat and drink in one and only plate and glass….same glass for water/tea.
    3. I have to sleep on floor with one bed sheet at my head and one bed sheet underneath. I have to wash them myself on 3rd day
    4. On 3rd day I have to do head bath.
    5. Don’t go temples until 5th day. Don’t touch devotional corner and related items until 5th day.
    6. Most terrible and worst thing is…… on my schooling days our family ladies allow us to use only reusable cloth napkins (it changed after my schooling). Not only in my family, in our olden days before invented sanitary napkins, they used reusable cloth napkins only. a lot thanks for those who invented sanitary napkins.
    Thanks for sharing such a nice post parulthakur.
    Thank you my dear readers for reading such a huge comment. 😉

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  19. Parul,

    This is so “relatable!” Thanks to my painful periods, while growing up, I used to bring down the roof down! 🙂
    My dad would immediately ask my mom if he needs to get anything from the shop! All hell would break loose for the ensuing few hours after my visit to the loo on the first day! Docs told me that this would go away after marriage! In college, when my professor was lecturing about something interesting, I stood up suddenly and ran outside the class on “sensing” the symptoms. All boys were shocked! My husband, of many years now, witnessed this once soon after marriage and was so petrified! He asked me if this would be the “experience” every month 🙂

    Now many years later, no more of that any longer. All peace! Nonetheless my 12 yr old displays some of those symptoms time and again. I reassure her every time that it is normal and she would get used to it! Life has come a full big circle!

    -Radhika

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    1. Thanks for sharing Radhika. Luckily I never had any sort of pain (touch wood) but staining has stayed with me. This one incident was the worst.
      For your daughter – may be you can let her be free of the rules if not the pain. That will be such a liberating thing to do. Isn’t it?

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      1. She has “freedom” to do whatever she wants! Avoid going to functions, temples and pooja room “those” days. 🙂 That is a habit that has grown all these years.

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  20. Nice topic that you have talked about Parul.. i became kind of a rebel listening to be separate without touching anyone, not going to temple, not touching pickels etc during periods and hence decided to live life on my own terms after my marriage and could implement the same 🙂 so, banished all these rules in my home, but sigh i don’t have a daughter, so not much impact.

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  21. Oh yes, there is a lot of stigma attached to menstruation when it is a completely natural process. What amazes me is that even some of our acquaintances (and they are educated) follow the same age old practices of not touching tulsi, pickles and quite a few of them do not enter kitchen at all and are teaching their daughters to do the same too. I dont agree with Kiran’s way of creating awareness. I guess, there are better ways of doing that. Yes, we should simply do away stigma though!

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  23. That must have been an uncomfortable incident for you. I think all of us have at some time or the other been faced with the embarrassment of having the public know about this involuntary loss of blood. The stigma attached to menstruation is tremendous. Thanks for sharing.

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  24. You know even I have always wondered what’s this with women on periods not being allowed in the temple, in the kitchen, being made to sleep on the ground etc. etc. I mean what’s with this unclean nonsensical crap. Isn’t it a basic part of being a woman?

    It’s sad that this starts from many of our homes itself where I have heard stories of mothers handing over such rule booklets to their daughters when they are undergoing their periods.

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