During April 2015, when I was taking up the A to Z Challenge, I wrote a post ‘N for No‘. That post was intended to encourage readers and even my self to be able to say ‘No’ when that becomes the right thing to do.
But as it is obvious from the title of this post, I find it hard to say no to such an extent that I get into guilt, over thinking and end up doing what I never wanted to do. For whatever reasons and I am not shy to say it could be age catching up, I have begun to take a lot of comfort in doing things my way or spending my time the way I want.
So, when someone or something demands my time that forces me to step out of my routine or preferred way of doing things, I find myself in a tough situation. I try, then feel guilty, then suggest some alternatives, then feel if I would have hurt the person and what not. It keeps on riding on my mind that I was not able to help.
I think it’s just me and the fact that I take too much on to myself to keep everyone happy.
What would you advise me?
For Day 9 of NaBloPoMo and NoMo, I am participating in #MicroblogMondays
happiness and food 
It takes time to get to the stage where there’s no guilt involved, Parul. With some people you can offer alternatives that suit you. There are some people you must say no to all the time, though! 😉
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Agree with you there. Thanks Corinne 🙂
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Hi, Parul; Suggesting alternatives is a good idea. It’s often difficult to say “no”, but you have to, sometimes, for your own sanity. There are some people who will always try to take advantage of your good nature and those ones must be discouraged.
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Totally agree. This is what happens with me. Advantage 😦 Thanks Debbie. Good to see you around. Long time!
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Can I offer you advice on this – No.
See it can be as easy as this.
The first time I said No to a demand of a certain relatives, simply because I would have been very uncomfortable doing whatever they wanted me to do, I felt it highly empowering. Afterwards, saying No no longer remained an issue with me. However, on a lighter note, these days I feel I have got so much used to saying No that it has become harder for me to say Yes 😛
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Looks like you have won the game of saying No 😉
Ha ha! Thank you for that light moment. 😛
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Oh dear, this could easily be me. Saying No is really difficult for me. I am kind of getting better at it, but the guilt is still there. And you are right, whenever I have said a No, I have found it better to just say that and be done; explanations just complicate matters and compound the guilt.
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I don’t know whether I am getting better or not. It’s still bad for me 😦 Give me some tips.
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It is hard for so many of us. Women, especially, are socialized to be agreeable, to help, and not to put themselves first. Over the years, I’ve learned to say no more and more. The hard part is finding a way to do it that doesn’t make me feel guilty.
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You are right! That’s so true. In order to accommodate, be helping and kind – we forget to draw a line.
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I think that saying no is perfectly ok – it’s losing the feelings of guilt that’s important. If you decide to say no to something, say no and move on! No guilt.
Easier said than done, of course! 😉
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Yeah – move on! I should tell that to myself.
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Don’t I know that feeling! I also find it hard to speak up when I find someone doing something which I am not comfortable. I am speaking up but it raises my heartbeat and stress level. Getting used to saying No it is the is the only way out.
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Yes – i agree. I think it’s practice and not over thinking that could help.
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Aha! A person after my own heart.
I find it incredibly difficult to say ‘No’ too. But these days, I’m getting better 🙂
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The concept of mentoring says that two people who are working on the same opportunity should help each other out. We should try that! 🙂
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Acknowledge that it is okay to be “selfish” and say No.
I have found a good way to say it is to say something like ” I have to say no, because I already have a lot on my plate right now and won’t be able to devote the time and energy to do justice to X.” Or some version of the same thing. It doesn’t matter if it’s completely true, but it usually gives the asker enough of a hint that they won’t press further.
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That’s great advise and I can try that. Thank you so much!
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Sorry, I have no advice because I suffer as well. I can’t say “no” then I resent doing what I couldn’t say “no” to. It’s not their fault, it’s mine. Hoping I can also get some advice in your comments section – hope you don’t mind. 🙂
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I can totally empathize with how you feel because I myself face this predicament all the time both in my professional and personal life :P. Every time I think, no this time it would be different and I will say ‘No’ but I end up saying Yes again :(.
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