It was the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last.
Those just out of college, students. The young age. Those dreams and that zeal. The I-can-win-the-world attitude. The let- me-try and give-it-a-shot enthusiasm. The first time.
The early twenties is that phase of life. When it’s time to give a shape to career and make parents proud. When one starts taking decisions of life. When parents doubt the abilities but it’s important to prove them wrong and succeed. If not succeed, try to give the best to the effort. Where there is no room for fear and from where one starts building experiences.
Recently, I was pulled in this phase of P’s life.
Luckily for me, my parents encouraged me to take my decisions when I was young. Fifteen, I guess. I chose the subjects I wanted to study, the courses I wanted to pursue, the city I wanted to relocate and then the job I left to go back to college.
For P, there was a different story brewing. She is just out of college and falls in that early twenties bracket. Being the second born, she is still the kid at home. Like I am the experienced one since I was one. She has the time in life to take a risk. She wants to take a risk and let go a college that she has got admission to. She wants to prepare for better colleges and brighten her prospects.
And why not?
She should do what she wants. I told her.
She should work hard and prove her parents wrong. Then she will make them even happier. I explained her.
She should take risks and decide what’s best for herself. I told her parents.
Let her do what she wants. I told her parents. Again. A couple of times.
If not now, when?
Life is too short to not take a few chances. Life is too short to regret later. Life is made up of failure as much as it is made up of success. No college can guarantee a good life. Compensation is superficial. Yes, we need it to survive but that comes when it has to come. Some get it sooner than others. Some earn more than others. That all is relative. What’s not relative is how you view your life? Have you lived it on your own terms? Have you had a chance to take your own decisions to fail or to succeed?
All these lessons in life are equally important. Both parents and children should naturally reach a stage in life when parents become the guiding light and let children take the reins of their lives in their hands. A harmony of sorts when trust in each other becomes stronger and control is let go. When it’s not about I-told-you-so but I-am-with-you.
As we grow up, we start writing our own life’s story and we always have the choice to put each word out there on our own or to take notes from others. These others could have our best interests in mind, but your life’s story should be yours and no one else’s.
I am not against parents but I am with ownership and the freedom to be who we want to be.
What advice would you have for P?
Tagging to DiscoverWP and #MondayMusings today.
happiness and food 
How lucky you were! I have the same problem of being the second kid, and therefore less experienced to take my own decisions. My parents say not to take risks, and I’m afraid of their l-told-you-so moments by choosing otherwise. Anyways, the final decision is one that suits us both.
I think P should make her choices, but only after understanding full well what she is doing.
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I think as we grow older we begin to realise how to find our way in this world while at the same time respect and somehow harmonise the wishes of those who love us. I think when adult children thoughtfully speak to their parents about their personal aspirations and wishes the parents begin to develop a greater appreciation and understanding of the maturity level of their children. As the oldest in my family I also experienced similar sense of maturity that comes with a sense of responsibility. But I can see that sometimes it takes longer for younger siblings to gain that kind of confidence in their own choices and decisions.
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That’s a really tough call. Parents know you better than you know yourself and also have a broader vision. I would advise all “advisers” to stay away and refrain from giving advice . I would tell P to think carefully and weigh the options of what she wants to do, try and convince her parents and then DO what she sees fit. If she is still going against their wishes then she should totally take responsibility and ownership of the consequences should they turn out unfavourable.
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Follow your heart, work hard and.fulfil your dreams. Rest all will fall into place!
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When you make choices yourself, you learn to live with them. It makes you a stronger and better person. I think she should take a stand and make her choice.
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I was the first and only child. I think your other commenters have already given good advice. It may be hard for P to make her choices. She will regret it for the rest of her life if she doesn’t. I would tell her to take ownership, to believe in herself, to dig down deep, find out who she really is and act on it. It’s hard, I would say to her, but it is worth it.
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I think you did the right thing. That’s sane advice. I’d probably just add that she should listen to everyone and then make an informed decision on her own. Sometimes we lack maturity and end up choosing something completely unsuitable. An informed risk is what she should go for.
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Now that I’m a parent myself, I can see the parents’ perspective 🙂 But i’m with you. I hope I never stop my kid from taking risks in life just because I’m afraid! Never a good thing for a child.
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I also think so and believe in No risk , no gain. Now P will prove herself against her parents ‘ wish .Being mother I know it’s very tough but let the bird fly and then see …………….
.
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I always believe in taking risks — what’s the worst that can happen? It doesn’t work out. You learn, you move on. In the process, you grow. Like you, I made my own path. Sure, I have some regrets (like my current job!}. but at least I’ve learnt from that. I took up Arts after the 10th in spite of what ‘well-wishers’ said. I haven’t regretted that one bit. So yes, I’d say what you’re saying to P. Make the most of life. Take risks. Learn from them. And grow.
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I would also go with what Tulika said. Listen to everyone, all points of view and then make an informed choice. That is the right way to go. But finally all decisions must be taken by the individual.
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Informed choice is the thing. Agree with you there Rachna.
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My advice to P would be to go with her instincts and take ownership of her decision. 20s is a time to take risks but those should be calculative risks and not nose dives. Another thing to be kept in mind if the parents are dead against her plans, she should be prepared to hear it out from them – “look I told you so” if she falters because this is what they are most likely to do.
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Agree! Her parents are not that luckily so I’m sure she will enjoy the journey.
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P should take the risk n move ahead in life following her own instincts. After all, if not now then when?????Every bird has to leave its nest n fly off.so go n get your dreams…..
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Well said. The nest will stay there as a warm place always. A flight is a must.
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Not just when we are young… even later on in life we need to learn to take risks. The fear of unknown is daunting… but after that, lies our dreams. I hope P gets her freedom to choose that 🙂
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Absolutely right. Only when we question comfort, we start to learn. Thanks, Raji
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Well I am proud of P for taking the risk
And I know for sure, sooner or later everything works out for the best.
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Agree! I’m proud of her too.
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I think parents need to always support their children’s wishes, goals and pursuits. I agree with the advice you gave P. She should follow her dreams and her parents should stand by her side!
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Thanks for encouraging P. She is there reading you all 🙂
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I think sometimes it’s okay to not listen to what parents tell you..Ofcourse, it’s a risk but the early twenties are the perfect time to do something, pursue your dreams even with an element of risk
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Yes, that’s the time. Some regrets make life richer.
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A very thoughtful and good post. I think parents should to some extent trust that their kids can take decisions after a certain age and should empower and enable them to think independently. The ‘bacha hamesha bacha hi rahega’ concept stunts the growth of the child. For me life was pretty different, with no parents and guardians around, I had no option but to do trial and error methods to seek wisdom, but I’m glad today because I have learnt a lot through bad experiences.
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