Varied thoughts about living and dying have always crossed my mind. Though death is inevitable and unpredictable, loss of life of loved ones is something that can keep me up at night.
I am grateful to the life I have got and that’s why I am scared of dying. I don’t want to let go what I have. The love of family and friends, the sense of accomplishment at work, the trees around me, the blue sky and the floating clouds, flowers and the sunsets. Too many things that bring joy and one life to soak it all in.
How is that even possible?
Sometimes I feel that I have just as much time left as I have lived and then my mind wanders to how it will be leaving this world? Will the thought worry me at that time or will I not even know that the time has come? What will happen next? The thought of being all alone after death scares me. It scares me that there would be nothing familiar.
Questions that I have no answer to.
Is everything really as transient as we say? Will I be able to accept that my time has come? Is it so easy to forget who we were and where we came from? What will happen to the voice within me that guides me, makes me think, consoles and encourages me? Will that die too?
Will I be able to let go?
If I think rationally, I know all the answers. It’s the feeling that scares me. The thought that makes me shudder. However, I also know that is the reason, today is important. It’s the beauty that we see every day that matters. Tomorrow may come or not, but today should be special. That’s why I stay grateful for the things around. I find joy in mundane things and jump with joy on little accomplishments. I am scared of dying but I am not scared of living.
Writing for FridayReflections today after a long time and I have written on two prompts – I’m most grateful for… and What scares you most about dying.
happiness and food 
Love the last line to death. Your reflection has depth and passion on our state of being and perhaps, exploring afterlife would make for an interesting read in your next post:)
It’s such a fab post to read exploring the anxiety surrounding death. You made it passionate. I love it.
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Thank you Vishal. I felt there is lot more to pour out but sometimes words hold us back.
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It is quite a coincidence that death and dying have been a lot on my mind. I was watching some videos of Professor Randy Pausch. He was diagnosed of Pancreatic Cancer and given a few months to live. He delivered this very famous lecture – you can look it up as the Last Lecture and My God it’s inspiring. How he made the most of his last few months – living a full life, inspiring encouraging others to go after their dreams. I’m not sure I’d be so upbeat if I knew I was about to die.
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I don’t know if I can do that too. However I have also seen that I become too positive in very negative circumstances. So, who know? 😉
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Parul I greatly enjoyed this. The fear of death can be crippling and so it’s even better that we use it to push ourselves to live, live, live!
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Thanks Nancy!
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It’s reassuring to know that it’s not just me who thinks about death and dying. I have done so from a very young age. I’d like to live as long as possible but I guess there is only so much within our control. Like you, the death of loved ones brings this further to the front of my mind. However, I also believe that if we spend too much time worrying about dying we risk not living life to its fullest. Thanks for posting 🙂
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You summed it so well Jo. I completely agree. Thank you!
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I’m not morbid about it but have lost enough close family members to keep my eyes open to the possibility at any time of making an exit from the world we live in. I believe if we knew how wonderful it will be on ‘the other side’ we’d all want to hasten the trip, but I too am grateful for the mundane and my every day blessings. Nice post!
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Death has been on my mind a lot since the death in 2015 of my childhood best friend. She wasn’t the first friend who died, but it was such a prolonged and painful death (cancer). Yet, I love life and all the beauty in it. I don’t want to let go, like you.
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Thought provoking results for the prompt – nicely done, Parul! Death is such a difficult topic to address, and you did it in a wonderful and inspiring way.
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I know my life is more than half over. My husband has an aunt who is 105, and this aunt suffers daily (she is no longer in good health). She’s made statements indicating she is ready to go when the time comes. I remember her as a younger, vibrant woman. But we must all die; we must make room for future generations. I am not happy about that; I am (like you) nowhere near ready to go.
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I don’t know, Parul. Sometimes I feel ‘dying’ is what happens in movies and in books. Naive, I know. But death scares me. I’m scared to let go. And I too am not sure if I’ll ever be ready to let go.
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I don’t think I can let go. Death scares me, whether mine or of anyone in my family. It is my biggest fear. I just stop thinking about it that’s how uncomfortable I’m with it.
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Usually people are scared of living than dying… It’s the other way with you which is great, you will make the most of your living days… It’s very easy to get immersed in these deep dreary thoughts… But then I myself have never thought about death. Not in the deep meaningful way like you. But whenever it comes, I will know that I have lived a happy life 😊
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That’s always the battle isn’t it Parul? To choose between emotion and rationale. Your musings are something we all have pondered over, albeit abstractly. Loved how you articulated those thoughts and feelings so well.
I’m reminded of the quote which says, “We all will die, but how many of us have really lived?”
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You know I sometimes ponder over this question as well. I think I will have no fear to die once my children have grown up. I will surely want to be around to see them complete their education. Leading a fulfilled life will most certainly make going easier. But then who can say unless the possibility stares us in the eye?
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That is putting all our fears into words, I feel it too. Made me a bit teary eyed Parul. Hugs. May we never face our mortality.
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I did a one-year course, many years ago, titled Conscious Living, Conscious Dying. That really helped me in many ways, more than I had expected. Plus since then having seen much of life and death (and illness etc) of loved ones has given me some more perspective on life and death. One thing that has made a big difference is an understanding that the word death isn’t the opposite of life, it is the opposite of birth. When I first realised it, it made me pause and gave me much clarity, at least mentally. Rest of course, life has its way of teaching us many things we thought impossible.
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Just what I muse about sometimes, Parul. It does make me nervous, and it also makes me feel happy to know that I will be leaving this place someday – a place that’s so fraught with sorrow and heartache. And, these thoughts keep rotating off and on. But, then I suddenly become aware that before death comes knocking, I have to live this life to the fullest! Death will come when it has to come, and I have no idea if I will be happy or sad when leaving this world. I want to be happy now, now when I am alive. Que Sera Sera!
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Death of loved ones is so fearful that It makes me sleepless. My death does not bothers me much except for my Toddler. One happy thing about it makes me feel comfortable that I am gonna donate my organs. I love to live and making each day worth. But its only me who ruin some days by overthinking. Loved reading and talking about it.
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Loved your thought-provoking post, Parul. Like you, I too wrote on ‘dying’…I’ve been so scared of death as a child…it is so much more easy now to accept that death is final and inevitable. Now, I only fear regrets more than death because I’d like to die in peace and with happiness knowing that I lived to the fullest! Not sure if I make sense here…but if you do hop onto the blog to read my post, I’ll be very happy. 🙂
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I fear dying. And terribly. But as long as I go before the ones I love, I’m fine with it.
Yeah selfish I know, but I wouldn’t survive else.
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I was getting ready to comment with my thoughts until you said that you could rationalize, but the feeling is what scares you.
How I think about it is this: I don’t know what happens after death. If there is nothing, great. If there is something, it shouldn’t be possible to be entirely alone, what with so many people dying everyday. I’ll deal with it when the time comes.
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I don’t think I’m scared of death so much as not living this life to the full. I feel I have so much more to do and not enough time to do it in.
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I love how you linked the two prompts! While death is a blackness to me, I think the fear of not doing all I want while living is the scary part. In some ways, I suppose it is about being grateful and living the best possible life!
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I too fear death! To a new level altogether! The idea of simply losing someone I love, simply brings chills to my spine. I just can’t picture or let’s just say, I don’t want to picture!
I exactly feel the way you just wrote above!
Cheers
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I’ve never really thought about this but your post made me stop and think. I don’t think I’m afraid of dying. It’s more a sadness of leaving the people I love behind and of perhaps not being able to do all the things I want to.
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Death is inevitable Parul. But hnlike the fear of dying… I fear death in another form. I fear the death of loved ones… Of my family slipping away ….
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