Being parents is a hard thing. They bring little ones in the world and then many feel they own their progeny. But is it really so?
Dare you marry the girl next door. She doesn’t belong to our caste.
How can you study arts? No one is our family is a graduate in arts. Dare you quit engineering.
If your wife finds it hard to adjust in this house, ask her to go back to her parents. Dare you listen and act on whatever she says.
I am sure you have heard such dares. The truth is whose life is it anyway? Would you sacrifice your choices for your parents even if they are unfair or would you stay put and let them make your choices. Is respect the name of obedience or is it about thoughts?
They are no one-word answers and many women and men are trapped in this dilemma. There are emotional blackmails, things about society, people and then the love and duty for parents. While I don’t have an answer or solution here, my question is how far would you go when it comes to being a parent or a child.
I am participating in the A To Z Challenge for the third time this year and I am penning Stories from everyday life.
happiness and food 
I hope that my children will have the will and courage to do the right thing even if we as parents may not agree. I am sure that there will be situations in which we may not agree but if they are convinced about their decisions, I will stand with them.
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I have reached a point where I did everything like my parents wishes. But somehow it never worked out. It’s always your choice, your dreams and your choices that matters and gives you long term results.
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I had a very controlling mother and I was a very determined child. Because of that, I gave my three sons plenty of space to decide their fate in life. We have to live our lives to satisfy ourselves, despite what my religion and relatives tried to tell me.
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Have seen very controlling parents, husbands and in-laws. They may do it because they are overprotective or caring (?) but it can be truly suffocating and frustrating. So we should dare to take charge of our responsibilities, our finances and our choices. That includes our choice about who to love and how to live our life as well.
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This controling is what ruins relationship between parents and their children they grow up! Its a sad situation as they feel trapped to be obedient even when they dont want to and end up resenting their parents.
Theme: Peregrination Chronicles (travel)
D is for Dolphin Delight in Goa #atozchallenge
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I agree with SSJ. To an extent, I have done as my parents wished, putting that above my own, but the happiest I have been is when I have followed my heart, done something I loved to do.
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This is a tough one, really. Especially where marriage is concerned, I believe it’s a lot of give and take and of course, respect that has to be earned through sustained dialogue. I’ve never been one to impose my views on others, nor have I taken kindly to being told what to do. So I guess it’s a matter of striking a balance and managing somehow.
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This is going to take more than one comment. It’s brought so many thoughts to my mind. I think, that both parents and their children should look at each other as individuals, rather than parents or children. Parents do feel they own their children and can dictate their ways, and find it hard when they grow up enough to make their own decisions. It’s almost a sense of loss – who do we care for now? And children, they too have to realize that their parents are human and not perfect people or gods who are always right. There’s give and take on both sides.
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Somewhere threatening has seeped into our blood. from our childhood days we are constantly threatened -dare you touch that or dare you eat that ice cream. this contiues through adult life to where we are constantly dominated, and we intern start to dominate our children . Wish we stop this and bring about more confident courageous and brave children
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I am at a point where I am struck in the situation you mentioned. They worry about society, what relatives will think, what neighbours will say and so much more. I just hope once they pause their train of thoughts and think will I be happy! I can do what they ask me but I will be sad for the rest of my life. Hardly fair no? I wish there was an easy solution to this!
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As a parent now, I guess things are far different buddy from what they used to ne when our parents brought us up where we agreed on everything they said. I do dare with my little one because I feel the threshold of bearing for this generation of kids has lowered significantly and thus to match up their desires, we are daring a lot more. How correct am not sure but sometimes striking balance is the key. I am so lad you brought this up 🙂
Truly Yours Roma
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As a child I’ve almost always listened to my parents and am still listening at age 59 . So isy 62 year old husband listening to his parents when they tell us not to come home late ( i.eaf after midnight) , to wear a sweater when it’s cold …..
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I have always listened to my parents, even when it meant sacrificing many of my dreams. But I am grateful all the more that they helped me see what was right for me. No, and there are no regrets. 🙂
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many times, parents just wish their unfulfilled dreams has to be completed by their children. and then the cycle continues.
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This holds so true! Respect is one thing and obedience is another! One can always have a difference of opinion without disrespecting the other person!
Cheers
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I’ve always been someone who was stubborn and stood up for what I wanted. I did Arts after the 10th…my parents were fine with whatever I wanted but other people had issues and suggested to my parents I do Science (I had the marks). Then the whole moving countries on my own. I’m glad I’ve stood up for what I want and believe in.
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I should add, I was lucky that it didn’t involve being disrespectful to my parents as they’ve always been supportive, but I have been disrespectful to other elders and not worried about it.
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Parents have the notion of owning their children. They somehow do not try to understand children as an individual. If at all children try doing something on their own, there would be discouragement throughout and God forbid if the child fails to succeed at one go in his attempt of doing something different. That gives parents a chance to force their unfulfilled ambitions on the child.
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It sure is a difficult world to live in! First they ask you to follow your heart and then say you disrespect elders!
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Parul you’ve asked a loaded question here. How far will a parent/child go? The answers are sadly not what they should be. Often rational thinking and justice go for a toss when we ascribe to remain within drawn limits of social acceptance.
Best wishes for future posts 🙂
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I don’t know how popular my opinion will be but I would ask the child to stand up to the parents in such cases if he truly believes in the love for his career path or companion.
A parents needs to realize that imposing their own dreams on a child – especially when the dream is a career or love – can be scarring for life if things dont work out. Guiding a child is one thing. Destroying their passions to suit your beliefs does not factor in that
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More than changing times, it is the mental makeup of the person, the way they grew up and the influences they had that determine the choices they make. As a parent I would do everything to ensure the happiness of my child, but make sure the child has his head properly in place. After all, it is an ongoing process and there’s no guidebook for parents. At the end of the day, one must live a fulfilling life. So, a dream is worth fighting for!
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You said it rightly, people have this sense of ownership on their progeny…like the life and decisions of their children belong to them. It’s sad, but it does happen a lot.
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The Sad truth of our society. We are progressing as a society but our thoughts are still backward. The question is How does it matter?
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Sometimes parents are right to intervene in the decisions that their children make, but there is a limit to everything. Every person has an opinion of his/her own and that must be respected. Emotional blackmail is of no good.
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It’s sad to say, but my husband and I have been through some emotional blackmail in connection with his autistic brother. I won’t say more except it is another family member. Humans are the same everywhere – it’s just the cultural expression of this type of emotional blackmail that varies.
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Well, it will not come as a surprise, but I was always a rebel since a child. The best part was that my parents were okay with my choices, but my relatives were not. I went against the norm way too many times and did what I want successfully. If I feel something is right, I’ll dare to go against anyone for that. No matter who.
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