“A good girl wouldn’t laugh loud.”
“A good girl would dress decently.”
“She would not challenge elders or men.”
Who is a good girl? Who decides if a girl is good or bad? Do you know?
I don’t.
It is common to see others decide what is the criteria to be a good female. In India or abroad, this is something that has still not changed. From east of the world to the west, women are the ‘fairer’ sex. However, that’s not the point today.
Let’s imagine that we lived in a world where the definition of good or bad wasn’t necessary to be out there as a guideline. Imagine no one judging you for whatever you do.
How would you feel?
Freedom is the word that comes to my mind. If you can, set your mind free. The world will change in its due time. I am not sure we will live to see that or not but if you set your mind free of all such definitions, you will feel free. When no one would judge you, you wouldn’t too. If you get the freedom to make your own choices, you will offer the same to others.
Good or bad is just a state of mind and it’s relative. What’s good for me, is bad for you so why take the pain of thinking about it. Be a good girl in your own eyes. And that goodness should be of your heart and nothing else.
“Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That’s what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice.”
― Bethany Hamilton
I am participating in the A To Z Challenge for the third time this year and I am penning Stories from everyday life.
happiness and food 
I’m a good girl in my eyes, but many others, men and women, think I am too outspoken. Many have called me the B word.
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It’s never possible to be a good girl for everyone. I tried that for over 9 years !! And then realized that whatever I do, there will be someone who gets offended. And on top of it , you are never your true self. So by the end of a tiring emotional time , I decided to be myself and not anyone’s idea of a good girl. I like myself more now and find that people around me too like me more. And those who don’t, are the ones who don’t matter.
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Oh you so nailed it Parul!!! There are no goods or bads really. What works for one may not for the other. And I’m also reminded of the Rumi quote which I ironically posted on another AtoZ blog comment
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.
Blog: natashamusing
Theme: Travel Epiphanies
Gobsmacked in Gorgeous Goa</a
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The basis of empathy is just that: Live, let live and understand where the other person is coming from. It really is that simple. But pre-conceived ideas and notions largely affect the way people interact. For our part, we must always strive to give the other person the benefit of the doubt and not judge them by their ‘good/bad behaviour’. Like you say, it’s relative and highly personalised 🙂
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Fantastic writing. Bang on. Loved the quote by Bethany.
Stopped by from the #atozchallenge. I wrote on G for goals, guilt and grief ! Here are the two most inspirational yet sensible ideas that appealed to me https://archanablogs.wordpress.com/2017/04/08/g-for-goals-and-guilt/
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Hey I’m a good girl and don’t feel bad for myself at all!
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Good girls religiously follow many Do’s & Don’t’s
As long as they dance to others’ tunes,they retain their title!
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I really loved the relative definition of being good..and it is rightly so. Here’s a worthy point you have made buddy
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Shakespeare said it well – Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.
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Women will always be judged no matter what the time or age is….So best option as you said is to follow ones heart and conscience
http://jaishwrites.blogspot.sg/2017/04/atozchallenge-grass-green-and-greece.html
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To heck with sugar and spice and everything nice sums it up pretty nice 🙂
Actually traditionally speaking I have always been a good girl . But I have realised being good doesn’t always work for you in certain situations. So sometimes I love to be the villain 🙂 as long as one can live at peace with oneself & not hurt people who care for me .
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The in which we society live has a large influence on our lives. Yes freedom is the correct word. The feeling of not being judged by anyone is so soothing to the ears. What feels correct to me first is the criteria for judgement
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A good girl and me are miles apart. I’m more of the Gone Girl types 😛
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ha ha! Funny you are 🙂
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Hehe…I was never a good girl. I laughed loudly, rebelled, questioned everything, wore what I wanted…and of course, got told off by ‘well-wishers’ for all of it! I’m glad I never fell for being a good girl.
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Nailed it! But I think I am a good girl in my eyes, that’s enough for now!
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true what’s good for me won’t be good for others. Loved the quote 😀 Sums up pretty well 😀
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Agree with you that being good or bad is relative. We all have different opinions and so long as we take care of ourselves and respect others the way they are, then we should live in a more peaceful world. ‘Good’ and ‘bad’ stereotypes still pervade in Chinese culture as well unfortunately. For a long time, I struggled to accept that doing writing and working in a non-typical academic field was okay. I’ve never meant to hurt anybody with my choices…but if we hurt ourselves, we will hurt others as well.
Another thoughtful post from you 🙂
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For me it was always –
“Good girls don’t laugh so loud!”
“Good girls don’t sing Ricky Martin at the top of their voice when they are cooking lunch!”
“Good girls don’t question customs!”
And on and on and on!
Sighhhh!
My only regret is that I tried so hard, for so long, to fit into their “good girl” image!
Happy AtoZing!
Chicky @ http://www.mysteriouskaddu.com
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It’s time we come out of this stereotypes and realize that there is nothing either good or bad, but it’s our thinking that makes it so, as aptly said by Shakespeare.
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How right you are Parul – we have this habit of slut shaming women over little little things – its really sad that women are made out to be either good or bad!!!
Theme: Peregrination Chronicles (travel)
G is for Grape Stomping in Bangalore #atozchallenge
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Yes, the good girl criteria! There never can be a good girl you know.. because what is good for one isn’t good for another! I liked what you said, “Be a good girl in your own eyes”
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Totally agree, Parul. The day we gather enough courage and insight to accept ourselves as we are, irrespective of what the world perceives us to be is when we set ourselves free.
A beautiful reminder, that we can never have enough of.
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I hate that ‘Good Girl’ tag. It comes with so many dos and don’ts. I would rather be called a bad girl and live my life following my heart than be a good girl!
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Well said, Parul. Couple of days ago I had to listen to someone judging a friend of mine, can’t say how much annoyed l was. It irritated me when someone said that I was a good girl, that never was my intention. I don’t care if I am good or bad. I am happy when I am just me. As long I’m not committing crimes, there is no reason for anyone to judge me as good or bad.
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Spot on, Parul! We should not be bothered by the do’s and don’ts of the society, rather set our own moral compass and be good in our own books.
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Lot of us are trapped in our own minds rather than anything else in the world! We think about doing so many things we like but don’t go ahead with it because ‘log kya kahenge?’ comes in. It’s really time we should stop using the good girl label anymore!
Cheers
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‘When no one would judge you, you wouldn’t too’. Perfectly said!
Most of the self-doubt happens because you are unsure of what someone else’s definition of good is. If you only live by your own definition of good, and don’t harm anyone in the process, that should be enough!
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It is kind of odd that the words “good” and “bad” are used but no one offers any worthwhile definition of those words. What does it mean to be a good girl? I think that it means following your passions and being kind to others but, sometimes, it seems that mean people, who don’t question their elders or ask questions, are considered to be “good.” Oh well, I guess that I’ll just be me.
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“Good girls don’t laugh out loud.”
“Good girls don’t have accounts on social media.”
“Good girls don’t question why.”
Yeeeeesh!
The next time we come across such “good girl” “bad girl” arguments, we should ask who decides or defines it.
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And it never is easy to please everyone. you’re a girl not a cupcake after all! 😀
Good is so subjective and so over rated these days that randomness and imperfection is simply not celebrated! 🙂
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Dear Parul, I really appreciated your efforts to share your views for Good Girl & Bad Girl. I just love to read more. Good kinds of stuff!
Cheers!
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