His choices were hers.
She gave up meat for love and their story was perfect.
She was the perfect life partner.
But was he?
Marriage is again one of those things where women are expected to adjust more than men. They leave their home, change their last name and somewhere in between, lose their identity.
They become a life partner who understands, takes care of the household and gives up on her choices willingly. While wives encourage their husbands to focus on their career, do husband reciprocate the same? How many men willingly give up their career to become a primary caregiver for their child? How many men know that their wives need to have a social life too? I can go an on but the point here is that marriage is a partnership. One between two people who love each other and are friends. They need each other to be the best version of themselves.
I would be wrong to point at men here so the questions are open for both men and women. Let go of somethings and let your husbands and wives breathe.
“The most empowering relationships are those in which each partner lifts the other to a higher possession of their own being.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
I am participating in the A To Z Challenge for the third time this year and I am penning Stories from everyday life.
happiness and food 
Rightly said, Parul. Marriage is a partnership, and it’s about time all the cultures started viewing it that way.
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Nicely said. Men shouldn’t feel threatened by a successful wife. And wives shouldn’t feel they need to remain in the background.
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Every relationship is a balance of give and take for it to remain healthy and sustainable. People speak of unconditional love but what they don’t see behind that is the fact that people let the other person be, while being respectful of each other’s choices. That is how a true marriage works. I should write a series on marriage 😉 This is very well expressed, Parul.
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So true! relationships work by mutual and continuous efforts from both people involved.
Nice post thanks for sharing 🙂
Best Wishes!
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My wife and I laugh in the face of normality. I left home, she hasn’t changed her name, and we work together form home – she is the boss and I work for her!
Absolutely Amazing Alliteration
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Without a balance most relationships topple over into a divorce or bitterness or acrimony. One needs to let ppl have their space and time.
Lovely writing as always Parul.
Leather that weathers in Pushkar
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A true and beautiful marriage is where all “need to” are replaced by “want to”. Making small adjustments for each other willingly is what keeps the relationship going.
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While every relationship involves compromise and adjustment, I feel those that demand extremes – giving up food choices or dresses – are less about love and more about sacrificing to stay in the relationship. It is, in a form, coercion rather than willingly giving up.
Statistically, it will count as a successful marriage. Personally? not so sure.
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Marriage is a partnership but I wonder how many couples share an equal partnership?
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I love the quote by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin . For me, that summed it up well.
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Rightly said. Relationships should be based on mutual understanding and respect.
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Identity. That’s the key point here.
Your intro reminded me of something I read many years ago – the woman gave up meat cos the man was a vegetarian, but when she was pregnant, she began to crave meat. The guy divorced her cos according to him “his child shouldn’t be fed meat”
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I loved the quote in the end. I hate how most of the time, it’s the women who give up things for their husbands. Or women who do all the housework in addition to working. Marriage is a partnership. And if it can’t be one, then one or the other partner should leave.
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Yes, a marriage can thrive only when both partners are supportive of each other’s personal growth and space. The partnership need not and cannot be always a 50-50 one. But the balance should certainly not always tilt in favour of one. Nicely written, Parul.
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It mostly is a far from equal partnership in most Indian households sadly. Hope we change it for the good.
Truly Yours Roma
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The last quote beautifully sums it up. Both the partners should respect and support each other… Compliment each other’s faults and qualities. Without the balance one partner is bound to feel disappointed with the relationship.
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The changes in identities before and after marriage is ultimately up to the individual. In India, women often ‘give up’ or ‘adjust’ not because the partner explicitly demands it of her, but because it is ‘expected’ of her, men also take on certain behaviour because of societal expectations rather than their wives’. Much better to talk things over and get rid of the external standards and fashion their own imho.
Here from the A-Z and enjoyed reading your thought provoking post. All the best
Nilanjana
Madly-in-Verse
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It’s something I believe in. I mean, why wear Mangalsutras or change names when both individuals should bloom and growth. Love is no social contract unlike marriage papers. Btw, I love the picture, bonding and coffee:)
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Ha! True that! Let them both breathe! Marriage is a partnership, it needs commitment and it also needs a comfortable space. Great topic, Parul.
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Marriage is a bonding but while taking care to nurture that bonding, somewhere, the wife looses her own identity. This happens majorly in Indian society. I totally agree with you on your last statement of letting go off few things so that both partners can breathe and grow.
It is about respecting each other’s identity and letting each other grow.
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Right on, Parul. Both husband and wife need to support each other. But usually it is the wife who has to give up on many things.
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Great post! So true! And a good reminder that marriage (and relationships) are a two way street. 🙂
With Love,
Mandy
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