The solo traveler I am not

Posted on by Parul Thakur
Solo traveling
The door I was looking for in Chicago

Solo traveling.

The world is talking about it and more women than men are exploring it. There are blogs and travel stories describing a walk in the mountains or quaint cafes overlooking snow-capped mountains. Of unexplored locations, JOMO (joy of missing out) and where English is a foreign language.  There are personal stories and lessons on solo-traveling. The checklists and the to-dos.

A google search will render 12.7819 million results in 0.876 seconds. Try it!

I was traveling from Minneapolis to Chicago that weekend in July to meet a close friend. Before taking the flight on that Friday evening, I had a conversation with myself.

Developed countries are easy to travel. The bus is available to Evanston from that terminal and in an hour’s time, I shall be at my friend’s home. I shall get to see the sun set by the bus window and I will see the city in its true light. As it is. Like a Chicago citizen.

It wasn’t that simple.

There were two Evanstons and multiple maps on the internet. The map and the bus-route showed two different directions. The buses plied on some days and did not on a few other. There was hardly any information that I could put to use.  I was more confused than clear on how to travel. So I chose the easy way and decided to call an Uber.

It should have been simple. Right?

In India, I can choose to pay by cash when I hire an Uber. In US, I had to add my card which did not go through. I tried another and that also failed. Having left with no choice, I asked a friend to book a cab for me. All this while knowing that the free airport internet could die any time. I had lost time by then and it was getting dark. Not my favorite time to be out of home.

As soon as the cab came, we started rolling. The map showed we were on track and I was estimating that I should be in the campus town by 9 pm.

Around 2 blocks away from the destination, the cab driver took a wrong turn and dropped me off saying that we had arrived. He was also an Asian and his accent was harder to decipher. He did not give me a chance to look at the map to ascertain where I was.

Now I was lost.

That’s my worry with solo-traveling. Without a phone to call or data to look at maps, I did not know how to figure my way out. Dark alleys and a girl on the road with no other soul in sight. My worst nightmare had come true. Or it looked like that.

I asked for help from a passer-by and he wasn’t sure. So then, I started walking. I knew the house number and since the block was correct, I had to solve the puzzle. To my good luck, I spotted the door but there was no door bell. I stood there for five minutes that seemed like fifty. Banged on the door but no luck. And, then I saw my friend up in the window. Like those road side lovers and stalkers, I yelled to attract her attention.

Phew. She came to get me upstairs and I was finally indoors.

When the signs don’t lead to where I am headed, I prefer to talk and consult before taking the next step. It’s easier, safer and comforting. There are no knots in the stomach and no what-ifs. Alone or like the world says ‘solo-traveling’ makes me do a lot on my own which includes thinking and executing. Not that I wouldn’t with another person by my side but the risk is shared and so is the anxiety.

Writing for Yeah Write #347 this week. 

58 thoughts on “The solo traveler I am not”

  1. I am not skilled at Solo Travel either. The last time I traveled alone I ended up on the wrong train in the middle of Amsterdam, in a snow storm. I still have nightmares.

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  2. Solo traveling…female solo traveling …female solo traveler…

    These seem to be highly marketed words in blogs & Instagram, of late. Whether using this translate into happy feelings or quick fame…I don’t know.

    Landing in a new country without internet or phone connection is not scary but worrisome especially in US where there are fixed systems and there’s no way around it. A smart traveler like you should not have too much of a problem. The only worry is not landing in a bad neighborhood. I generally download google map before landing in a new country & use it offline because in many countries prepaid SIM is not available in the airport or it’s a hassle. I’m sure there are other options too, but this is what I prefer.

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    1. You are right that if I was prepared, it would have been easy. But I wasn’t. Downloading google maps is such a simple thing but never crossed my mind. Apart from bad neighborhoods and bad luck, things should work.
      Oh yes, I agree about the marketing bit!

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  3. I understand your concern… however irrespective of all the uncertainties I would anyday prefer solo travel over anything. I have been in similar situations but that didn’t deter me. Solo travel makes me feel free. I loved the way you wrote the post, I could almost visualise.

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  5. I have NEVER travelled solo anywhere outside my city. I do keep reading these inspiring tales of women travelling solo and I wish I could do it, too! Sigh. I have no idea when I will be able to gather my courage and bring my dreams to fruition!

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  6. Oh my.. Getting lost at night is the worst. It sends me in panic mode. i have got lost a nunber of times, but never in a foreign country so that must be so stressful. But hey, now you got an awesome story to tell 😀

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  7. I get you Parul and I feel the same. Rather than solo travel I’d like to have a favourite person to travel with. That said, I have to admit it would be pretty liberating if I could do it – a sense of achievement perhaps. Also, one might get better at handling emergencies if one were do do it regularly.

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  8. Oh anxiety would kill me in such situations. I’ve never been fascinated by solo travel. More than the safety aspect, I think it will be really boring for me to travel alone. I have traveled alone on work before, and hated it. I need a partner, someone I can keep talking to.

    I’m glad you stayed strong and figured your way out here. Proud of you for that 🙂

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  9. I have travelled solo within southern states of our country and few in the northern parts when i was in my 30″s . Now its been a long time since I travelled. I do travel but with my friends and family. Now thinking of solo traveling I feel very insecure and anxious. I Admire our courage and the risk you take to take travel solo. Thanks for inspiring me today:)

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    1. I would say India is easy. We have phones and people we can call up. But that doesn’t mean I don’t admire the fact that you traveled alone.
      If that’s what you like, you must do it!

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  10. Some people enjoy it and that’s awesome.Some have little choice and thats their only choice.But not for me.I would be bored without someone to travel with and forget to get down at stops or be too chatty with wrong people.Glad you were safe.Different strokes I think

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  11. I can understand your frustration at facing snafus all by yourself. It is daunting to travel solo but it can be fun if things go well for you… I myself have travelled solo several times but only once on holiday – most times they were journeys to a place where I was meeting with someone.

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  12. I travelled solo early this year to Goa. But I was solo just for a day, till my bestie joined me. And like everyone I shall tell you it was liberating. But I had a place to stay-my friend’s pad and a car to drive me around, so no such deterrents about being in an unknown land. I’m sure it can be pretty daunting if one were to be in a situation like yours.

    As always a interesting piece Parul, that looks at solo traveling in a different light. Thank you.

    https://natashamusing.com/2017/12/adventures-kruger-blogiversary-wanderlustwednesday-guestpost/

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  13. I can imagine the panic and the anxiety with no internet and no one in sight and late hours too. Though I have been traveling alone for more than 2 decades, such a situation would give me jitters too, but that wouldnt stop me from traveling. It’s ok to feel this way. And even if you are well prepared, mishaps do happen. Glad that it all worked our well for you in the end. Have you realized that such incidents make for great stories!! 😀

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  15. Gee, you sounded just like me. I am in fact terrible with doing anything solo. Maps and directions I simply cannot fathom!
    Liked the way you described the experience, realistic and vivid. Felt in the moment with you emotion wise. The end was a tad abrupt, if I had to really be critical. But I liked it just as well, not dragging and to the point. Cheers.

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    1. Appreciate the feedback. I’ve heard that I can work on ending the writing not so abruptly.

      On traveling, I’m good with maps but if I have someone with me, I end up shining more.

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  17. I love that you called yourself a stalker when you were yelling up at your friend! I travel for work, frequently solo. It’s an acquired taste, for sure, but I actually like getting lost a bit.

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  18. Oh Gosh, that was scary, Parul. But you did pretty well. I’m quite bad with maps..even Google maps. So, although the solo traveling bit fascinates me, I’m not sure I can try out an entirely alien place. Maybe, I’ll practice on local grounds, first 😉

    Con-crit: I liked the easy and crisp narrative and I felt like I was there. I’d use the last para as bits of internal monologues through the essay. It might be me but it feels like a summary of the essay which is not required given that the reader gleans this bit through the narrative.

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  22. Nice account of your experience / adventure! I liked the fact that you captured the details that make an account like this come to life such as Uber India taking cash, etc. As someone once told me, our stories can be unique only if we add the seemingly incidental details that make it so. And you certainly did a nice job of packing in good detail without overdoing it.

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  23. So scary.
    You are a brave girl and managed anyhow. If I were there, I would have fainted. I don’t like to be a solo traveller.

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  24. Ha! based on your description I assume you flew into O’Hare. Getting from O’Hare to anywhere on transit is awful and not intuitive unless you want to go all the way down into the city and back, adding hours to your journey!

    Structurally, this story was at its finest in the couple places where you touched on a general principle about yourself and then used the journey to your friend’s house to illustrate it, and I would have liked to see you add one or two more of those little touchstones, using the generally linear “journal-entry” framing of the journey to keep the reader moving through, but adding those things you learned about yourself that can connect with a reader on a universal level.

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    1. You are right! It was O’Hare and I should share that Minneapolis had better free wi-fi than Chicago.
      I appreciate the feedback and that point about how I could have made the story richer for readers. Thank you!

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  25. I do enjoy solo-travel even though there is anxiety associated with it. Your piece reminded me of the time I got lost in San Francisco and ended up in an area my friend had specifically told me to avoid as it was dangerous. Needless to say, I’ve never walked faster in my life to get out of there! 😀

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  26. That was a scary experience! But I would still love to travel solo. I have, in a way, in New York. Although it wasn’t completely solo because my sister lives there, but I did explore the city on my own many times. Luckily for me, I never had any truly scary experiences like this one!

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  27. That was definitely an experience to remember and not a pleasant one either! Solo travel can be glamourised online but the fact is safety is always on the top of our minds when we travel alone. I don’t mind traveling alone provided it is to cities or places I am familiar with. That said, I did travel with a toddler across to the US which was a totally alien country, 7 years ago. Having family to receive me at the airport made it easier of course.

    I think Rowan has done a fine job with the con-crit so I will just add that there are some places where you can work on the expression and grammar a bit. That’s my editor brain speaking 😉 With some effort, I can see the writing improving for sure. Good work, Parul.

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    1. I agree with the safety angle. That’s what rides on my mind all the time. I did come back to India from Minneapolis alone and via Paris but it’s easy when you know things.

      On your feedback, I truly appreciate you being candid. Can you give me an example of the grammatical error? I’d love to know so that I can learn and improve. Thank you, Shailaja!

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  28. It sounded like a nerve-wrecking experience for you, getting to your friend’s place. The end of the cab ride sounded scary but good that you managed to get to your friend’s house. In time like those in the middle of the night, you just never know what can come around. Though you might know where you are going and have it all planned out, one wrong turn or one change in plan can make the trip so different and very frazzled. For you, with no internet in the middle of no where it sounded like a test of all your resources and mental strength, and you came through 🙂

    I actually like solo travel a lot and like to plan out every part of each trip, and also think about how it can all go so wrong. For some strange reason I tend to get lost on short trips not too far away. Not to say I don’t plan as much. I do, but on these short trips I tend not to look at a map when going around, and wander around so much it’s hard to get back on track 😀

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