She was different when she was a teenager. Never wanting to fail and being on the top of the stack. All she wanted was to set an example for her family. Sometimes for her school. Or her neighborhood.
Teenagers want to do that when they make success their goal.
But can success ever be a goal?
Success is an outcome. A happy one. Failure is also an outcome and one that teaches more than success. But most people see failure as one where one loses face. That is what she thought. She knew one failure will dampen her career and all that goodwill she has. As expectations mounted, the pressure did. Insecurity does wonders to one’s personality. Without her realizing, she was in a cocoon where there were no friends and no one to laugh with. She was okay with that because she did not want to fail.
The first test of her performance was round the corner. She was appearing for her tenth standard examinations. Subject after subject, in just fifteen days she wrote the examination for fourteen subjects. She knew she had done well. The teachers and parents expected her to be on the top. She was sure of grabbing a rank too.
When the results were announced, she was not at home. Her father called her up to tell her that she had done well. He went through the numbers that he had got from the bulletin board of the school. He knew her so he got the marks for all of her friends.
Her family was encouraging and she had scored well. But she was not at the top. She wasn’t even closer to the top. All her friends had scored more than her. She absorbed all that and being the introvert she was, did not speak up a lot or shared with loved ones. Surrounded by disbelief, she spent her time away from family, thinking about what had happened.
She questioned herself and challenged her thought process.
Did I learn what I read?
Yes.
Do I still remember things from my books?
Yes.
Can I teach kids today all that Mathematics and Physics?
Yes.
Are my parents and teachers proud of me?
Yes.
Could I have done better?
Yes.
Am I sad?
Yes.
Why? What makes me sad? Can I not learn from what mistakes I made? Can I not take life lightly and smile more often? Why can’t I study, learn, have fun and not worry so much about rank?
All that introspection worked for her. She did not run from her past but learnt from it. She smiled more often, made friends and studied a lot. And guess what? She did well in life and stopped worrying about being on the top.
Every year when results are declared for the schools, she thinks of kids who are how she was. She wants them to learn and compete with themselves. Not with others. To do better that what they did last time and not what others did. Competition should help us grow and never bog us down.
Today, she is writing bravely to narrate her story. Her blog is her medium to talk through words and pictures. To tell people who read her to take things easy. Life is hard but if every one can continue to do their best and not lose hope, life will untangle itself. Isn’t it?
“The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.” – The Lion King
I am participating in the Write Tribe Festival of words and today is Day 1 of the challenge that encourages you to #writebravely.
Write Tribe
happiness and food 
I’m glad that she understood that comparing with others in of no use and that her worth is more than mere marks and ranks. I can resonate with this post, Parul, though my experience was slightly different.
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Good life lessons, for sure. We’ll never rank #1 in everything, and even if we did, there’s some brilliant person out there who doesn’t give a rat’s whiskers about ranks and ratings, and didn’t even bother to show up for the test. If they’re happy, they’re winning.
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Oh wow that’s you Parul and glad you wrote about it. Success is relative and failure is empowering. There are so many supremely talented people who fail more than get success on an average day and that’s what makes them strong, I feel. Inspiring read.
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Such an amazingly self-aware teen you were, P So glad that the thought process turned out the way it did and not in the million other (more unproductive ways) it could have.
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What a sorted teen you were Parul. I am amazed at your clarity of thought. And look where you’ve reached!
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You learnt to take failure in your stride lot before I did. I’m glad you shared this inspirational story and are using your blog to tell it to the world.
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I am glad to read this post this morning and happy at the way you have learnt to deal with your feelings and adjusted with the situation. Not so with every one – there are teenagers who are ending their lives because they were discouraged. This month in Hyderabad on the main street a young girl climbed up and fell right from highest floor to death and not qualifying in the NEET exam. In a public place wherein surrounded by people shouting at her from below… felt so sad… you are an inspiration and thank you for sharing.
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