Last week I traveled to Chennai for a conference. I stayed at the same hotel where the conference was hosted and had all amenities at the click of my fingers. It was a five-star hotel and nothing was amiss in terms of facilities.
However, I could not sleep.
This is not new. Most of my friends know that I can’t sleep alone. In a house when I am alone or in a hotel room, sleep eludes me. It is not about the change of place like others say. This happens only when I am alone. Friends have given me tips and tricks that could help. Some work to a little extent and some don’t. During my post graduation, I had a room for myself and I never had an issue. But since then, every time I am travelling for work or alone at home, I can not sleep.
And mind you, I am talking about night. During the day, I can sleep like a baby.
As the night dawns, my imagination takes over logic. I can imagine that the chair has moved from where I had left it before hitting the bed or there is a knock at the door. Sometimes, I open my eyes to check if there is someone standing beside the bed. Have you watched Paranormal Activity? My mind plays all sorts of games. It stays awake even when I close my eyes. I usually stay awake until the wee hours of the morning and then like a breath of relaxation, I sleep for 2-3 hours only to get going for the day. The thought that night is over calms me down.
I have tried keeping a Hanuman Chalisa under by pillow, closing the bedroom door so that I don’t feel that everything is open and sometimes keeping the lights on. It doesn’t work.
I looked up the internet and this is no phobia. It is listed under one of those anxieties children have. Children? Yes, mostly children. There is a phobia of the dark and the phobia of sleep, but nothing about the fear of sleeping alone.
When I am back home, logic returns and I know that all my fears were irrational. Later of course there is no use as the precious sleep hours are already lost.
Tell me about yourself. Are you able to sleep alone? Do weird thoughts cross your mind at the middle of the night? If yes, what do you do?
Writing for MondayMusings today.
happiness and food 
I don’t have trouble sleeping. But on days when my mind keeps wandering and I’m unable to bring it to rest, I visualise a favourite memory – a beach with clear waters and I just think about the water alone – basically I try focusing on one thing so that I stop thinking about a multitude of things. Or I listen to music – some melody and I just doze off.
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That’s a good idea. I should have tried that.
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I have a nightcap if this ever happens-usually doesn’t!
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Good for you!
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Maybe you are just missing your husband! 🙂
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He he! I thought I would have some quiet time 😉
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This does not sound weird to me because I used to hear this often from D when we lived alone. A vehicle’s light passing through the room, any sound inaudible to me, a shadow, nearly anything could provoke an imaginative bhoot in the room. Then it got quite difficult to put him to sleep. More he stayed awake, more the imagination got to play. I find it difficult to catch some sleep when in hotels and this has to do with the quality of beds which is much different from the firm mattresses of home.
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Ha ha! Well D is little and I am BIG. Supposed to be big, atleast.
The beds I think are better in hotel 😛
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I can sleep alone. I also think about all kinds of paranormal things when I’m alone but still I’m able to sleep. S says I can sleep anywhere and in the middle of anything! So, sleep is hardly ever a problem for me. But I didn’t know there was a phobia for sleeping alone as well. I hope you caught up on your sleep, Parul.
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You remind me of a friend now whose story I will tell you when we meet 🙂
Thank you Naba. I slept for 10 hours on each Saturday and Sunday and caught up on the sleep 🙂
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I generally have no trouble sleeping alone. If I ever do feel anxious for some reason, though, I play some meditation/Reiki music & slip an amethyst under my pillow. That calms me down. 😉
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I had never heard of Amethyst helping to sleep. Thanks for sharing 🙂
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I enjoyed reading your post throughly, Parul. I do not experience any of the above, but can imagine your plight. In my case I do tend to feel a bit awry, but then love the idea of “me time” and enjoy my own little space, that lulls me into a good night’s sleep.
I do hope you are able to overcome this, and enjoy your time away from people, and get a good night’s sleep someday soon!
Hugs
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Someday, Natasha 🙂 Thank you! hugs back at you!
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When i was reading the second para, I wondered why you didn’t place a Hanuman Chaalisa under your pillow! 😛
Yeah, Parul, I have been there, too. Earlier, though, when Chikoo was with us, I would hug him and fall asleep. Later, I took time to adjust sleeping alone when hubby was out of town.Now, though, I can sleep quite well.Touch wood!
Stop watching horror movies, if you do. 😀
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ha ha!
I enjoy horror movies but yes, I know the negativity it creates in my head. Thanks Shilpa!
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I’m quite lucky in this aspect, Parul. I guess it must be anxiety in your case.
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Maybe! 🙂
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I have trouble staying alone at home. Mornings it’s fine but during night time it is the toughest.
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As long as I am awake, I am good. I like my alone time at home but I dread to sleep alone.
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Hahaha, quite a timing you have. Today will be the first night that I would be spending alone at home. Cal’s out on work for a couple of days and I have no idea how I am going to pass two nights without him. I have lived alone in hotels before for months while I was traveling for work. But I’ve never been alone at home. Be it before or after marriage.
The mind does play dirty tricks at night. I am just hoping to ignore it all and get some good sleep today as work is really hectic and I need to be in full form during the day. Well, fingers crossed.
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Ha ha! Hope it goes well for you Soumya! 🙂
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Haha…I had to laugh at that {sorry!} I guess after moving out of home at 21, I got used to sleeping alone so it doesn’t bother me so much. Having said that, I know I shared a house with people for a while and I think the first time I was alone in a house, I did struggle to sleep and would wake up at every creak thinking someone was trying to break in. That doesn’t happen anymore, thankfully! 🙂
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So I moved out at 17 but I have had roommates or flatmates. If I think hard, it bothers me now more than then. I wonder if it’s age?
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Well, I’ve been used to sleeping alone ever since I hit my teens & I must say I loved every bit of it. The bed is all yours where you can spread out your limbs & set to dream for the night & even enjoy some privacy. In that view, I thanked God for letting me be the only child 😉
However, as a child I did have those fears of visualizing an eerie outline that my brain simulated out of habitually seeing horror series. But then it didn’t last. By the way, now even when the husband is out on a business trip, it does get hard to sleep. But oh, when you’ve got a tiny lass by your side who runs you out of your battery, it really doesn’t take you long to get up to your alarm in the morning & realizing that it wasn’t that hard to fall asleep the night before.
Loved this post, Parul!
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Thats totally me. I visited Bangalore many times for my official conferences and despite of the super cozy bed of the five star hotel, the sleep was far away. I used to call my family and doze off while talking, thats the only thing worked for me 🙂
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Happens with me sometimes that I can’t sleep well but it’s mostly because I am too tired. Not about moving chairs and ghosts. 😉
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I think you might need to figure out your actual reason why you are not able to sleep! Once you can figure it out, it might be easier to think logically. When you were doing PG, maybe you were surrounded by people whom you knew, your friends! But now you are alone at a place that you are not familiar. Since you write well, hat says you imagine well. When there is no familiarity, you tend to imagine more, probably. Well I’m just thinking out loud! Hope you will sort this out sooner than you think!
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Got something for you! When you said you can’t find it, I had to find, the ego, you know 😉 But anyway hope this helps.
https://www.tomorrowsleep.com/magazine/overcome-fear-sleeping-alone
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Ha ha! Cool. Let me check this out.
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Sleeping alone in a hotel room is tough. I hear ya…Its totally understandable. Whenever I expect to sleep alone, I make sure i completely tire myself out, that way i am off to sleep as soon as i hit the bed. It works most of the times…
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I wanted to comment ! But no comments is the only comment on your lovely 😊 post ! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
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I totally understand you. There are just a couple of occasions where I remember staying awake. One, when I was in Mysore for Infy training. The room was great and comfortable, but I couldn’t sleep alone one night after my room mate left. I felt lonely and scared too. I used to wake up many times to check if the window is open, if the door was locked, if I heard the water leaking, forget about opening the door(when I heard someone knocking).
Second, I traveled with family. I loved the ambience of the villa at Bodi, however, I wasn’t able to sleep one night. Yes, even with the husband and the little one sleeping so well. It was like I needed to guard them. From what, God only knows! 😂
Maybe it’s about something or someone you see/saw that day or some other that suddenly pops up in our mind, enough to scare us at the right time to keep ourselves worried. When I go out, I am not okay with the ‘peps’ bed too, it just makes me jump too much in it. I could hardly sleep on it. The floor is better.
Also, now, I am yet to stay outside without family. School trips and trainings were like awesome, but after marriage, I am yet to stay. My gut feeling says, I will only enjoy the time I get to spend alone and sleep like a baby (since I lack it with the little one 😋)
P. S: Oh, you visited Chennai?? So good! I would love to meet you sometime when you visit again.
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Oh no!! I posted my entire comment here and forgot to hit publish ☹️
So I am keeping it short this time 😪
I have had couple of incidents about staying awake in super comfortable locations. One at Infy Mysore after my roomie left. I was scared about everything around me – I used to check if the windows were open, if the tap was leaking, and the knock ( oops, I never opened it even once).
Second, was at a villa when I was with family. The little one and my husband were in deep sleep, but I was awake like I was guarding them.. From what, God only knows. 😅
I don’t even watch Horror movies, in spite of that my fears knows no bounds. I feel you would have seen something or someone that scared you to bits earlier. It could be playing with our minds at times like these and scare us easily. I think this is why they say Mind is a bad master. It would just put us down all the time, Me thinks.
P.S: So, you visited Chennai! I am just glad to even read it here. Will be very glad to meet you in case you are visiting here next time. 😁
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This doesn’t happen to me parul:) the moment I hit the bed and I just sleep. I practice two important rituals before I sleep. The first one I pray an the second one I count my blessings of the day, keep focusing on my breath as I lay down and closing my eyes, reciting and repeating prayers I just doze off:)
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