It has been said that like an arrow leaves a bow, the words that have been spoken do not come back.
They could be forgiven but never forgotten.
Recently, a colleague at work told me how much emphasis I put on what others think of me and it was a great observation. It is important for me that you know me as I am and your version should be what I think of my self ; a good, hard-working and honest person. You may perceive this as over confidence but I know myself as being someone who would think before I speak and show the same respect I expect from others.
Last week I was hurt by someone’s words online and it is strange but those words were both directed yet not directed just at me. My friends from blogging space jumped right then to cheer me up but I also felt that I need to let go of my obsession with what others will think of me or my work.
The situation made me think that I am too critical of my self and now is the time I should do what I want to do without thinking of how is it seen by those who don’t even know me.
Would you like to share one lesson of life that you learnt recently like I did the last week?
Writing for #MicroblogMondays today.
happiness and food 
I read the whole Twitter chat later that day and thought it was an attempt to assess things in black and white. By the time I logged into Facebook, a lot had already been said pouring out support for you. This made me feel glad for the blogging communities we are associated with. I want to tell you just Don’t bother. I had my own share of doubt and questions for myself today. I discovered expressing doubt and taking back seat also helps in exploring hidden closets of mind.
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Yeah – that’s also such a great approach. Reflecting and then reacting! Yes, I an so grateful for the group’s support. Thank you Anamika!
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My lesson: the only person’s behavior you can control is yours. Actually, it’s not a new lesson, just one I have to relearn from time to time.
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Which is so true. Thank you for sharing! 🙂
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Parul I was a lot like this – still am a little bit – anxious to explain myself, my point of view, a little desperate for people to know that I’m not a bad person. But it doesn’t work like that. And sometimes you just have to let go – leave people to think what they want. It’s exhausting. So make sure you explain to and listen to people who matter and leave the rest to think what they want.
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I agree with you. I will try and change myself. Thank you so much for sharing!
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I’ve been like that, and now I just don’t waste my energy thinking about what people think of me. I love myself and I’m glad there are people who love me, and accept me as I am. 🙂
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Ah! True. The time to change is now, right? 🙂 thanks Payal for stopping by!
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I deal with the same issue. The thing I’ve learnt (but still have to focus to keep in practice) is to:
A) BELIEVE that you’re a good, hardworking person.
B) Self-evaluate every so often to keep (A) objectively true.
C) Not tell others about (A) because it triggers their own insecurities.
As you mentioned, you think that people might perceive the statement as overconfidence. It is actually just them perceiving your self-belief as an attack on their character (and this is subliminal, not deliberate).
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I have stopped being my worst critic – I think am pretty awesome that way 😛 Honestly the world doesnt hv tme to think of us yea… So let it be!
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I learned to keep going irrespective of adversities– thanks to my trip to Delhi, which I’ve blogged about in recent weeks. Good to know you’re now feeling better.
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If I cared about what others thought of me I would never write anything on my blogs 🙂 Really! I mean it in all honesty. This need to be ‘liked’ often makes us want to do things or say things that are not often in sync with our true inner personality. We just keep doing them over and over for becoming socially acceptable or to fit in or to be on the politically correct side of things….and soon we end up creating a persona of ourselves that may not be ‘real’ me. Situations like the one you experienced about that blogging survey and your colleague’s observation can be helpful reminders to walk away from this painful habit we all seem to indulge in from time to time.
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I never worry about what others think of me. In fact, I am considered arrogant because of this nature of mine. And still I don’t care. I learned early on that we can’t please everyone around us. And if we try to do that people will stamp on us until we can’t take it anymore and then indirectly accuse us for letting them. So I don’t care anymore. That twitter poll wasn’t making any sense to me. I prefer to stay from such things. 🙂
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It happens with me all the time. I can myself in you so many times Parul. I get paranoid over the fact of what others think of me and I know it’s non of my business, but still I get overboard with it. I’m so glad you were all cheered, though I joined a bit late. Sometimes, it really is important to let go. It only gives peace of mind and nothing else.
Cheers
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One of the most important lessons I keep learning is ‘It all happens for the best’. Every single thing that happens drives us closer to our destiny and who we are meant to be. So bless everything, all the moments. They make us better people. I know it’s hard not to take things personally but we live and learn and after a while, we develop compassion for everyone and don’t allow ourselves to be sucked into negativity.
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I don’t know if I learned a life lesson, though the one you learned is a good one. It will save you from a lot of unhappiness.
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I agree. I just need to keep it alive and not let the basic temperament take over.
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I am sorry you had to deal with someone’s hurtful comments, Parul. But like I said in the thread at BAR – you are a wonderful presence, and your posts have a certain memorability – I still remember a Wordless Wednesday you had put some months back (or is it a year?) – a lone flower showing through a crack in the wall. Continue doing what you love to do, dearie. Your love and passion will shine through. 🙂
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I’m sorry that someone wrote words to hurt you… there are very small people out there who live life to break other people down, not to build people up. Unfortunately you can’t stop people on the internet from being hurtful (or in person, for that matter). For me, looking at how I react and deciding to take the higher road (when I have the presence of mind and self-control to not go off instead) can make those hurtful words’ power diminish. (I think for me the example of this is when my ex-husband’s mother chose my blog to share that he had just had a baby. Which seems to me the wrong context for that sort of thing when we do not talk, but I deleted her comment and began moderating comments from that moment on, not to remove dissent from others but to keep the purely hurtful trolls away). I hope that you continue to be confident, as you have very good reason to be! It is hard not to be affected by someone trying to take you down even a notch. It doesn’t make you lacking in self-confidence or too much of a people-pleaser to be hurt by that. Keep on keeping on, that’s the best way to show naysayers or hurtful people what’s what!
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Sorry to hear that you were hurt by someone’s words.
I would say that you are a wonderful and forthright person based on what I know from your blog posts which I have been following for more than 1.5 years or so as well as from your tweets. Do what makes you happy and what you feel is right.
Everyone around can give you hundreds of comments on what you should or shouldn’t do but it’s who has the onus to build your life. You cannot make everyone happy around you. Despite your best tries, there maybe someone after all who wouldn’t like what you said or did.
Great to see that the support poured in for you. All these are small things in life. Slowly but surely, you just need to ignore the trolls out there ;). They have a lot of free time.
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