“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself” – Paulo Coehlo
One thing that I have always heard people say is how difficult it is to say ‘No’. Many people mention it as a personal weakness and many detest it but can’t keep up with saying No where they said Yes. I have seen it becomes even difficult for women for they think, “What will people think of me?”, “How will the other person feel about it?”, “What if she gets upset with my response” and such unnecessary doubts.
I am not just talking about work but also about our personal choices. Saying ‘No’ to marriage, ‘No’ to kids or may be saying ‘No’ to sex? It’s not as easy as it may sound. Sometimes, I feel it is hard to draw that line where we do things out of love and respect vs. things that we do to just please others. I am sure you must have heard people say “My parents wanted me to get married and settle down”. “My husband wanted me to change my job” .”My daughter wanted me to wear a skirt today”. Sometimes, we all need to understand whether our actions are based on love, respect or to keep people happy and relationships intact.
It is not at all wrong to give in to choices of others and the intent is to not dissuade you from showing your love the way it works for you. The idea is to understand your own self and give your heart and mind a break from what people will think and say about you. My belief is that those who love you will always understand when you say No. And a No never means that the love is on a downward spiral. It means that you want to do what is best for you at that point in time.
Never underestimate the pressure and stress you go through when you do something that you did not want to do in the first place. Always know that doing something which had your whole-hearted effort is much better than doing something just cos you were asked to do it. A No can always be communicated in the right manner and be rest assured you wouldn’t disappoint any body.
So, whether you are at work, at home, shopping or walking, try saying No when you want to say No. Be assertive in your response and learn to lead a life on your terms. It may be okay with some and it may upset a few but that should sound reasonable when they know that a yes or no is not directed to people, it is a direction to self.
It’s easier said than done but trust me, I am also trying this one. 🙂
I am blogging from A to Z during April (#423 on the list) and the theme I have chosen is set on women. Some of the posts will be here for you to know and some will be to reflect and accept. Share your thoughts and let me know how things are going. There is always a room for improvement.
happiness and food 
Saying ‘no’, or rather, not saying no is something that’s gotten me into situations in the past that looking back on are interesting stories but not really things I’d like to do again. I always get myself into situations because I’m hyper aware of being nice and willing to help, and then things just expand and suddenly I realize ‘no’ would have been better. It’s a hard word to utter.
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Oh yes, that is a hard situation to be in. May be you can use the sugar coated No’s first and see how it goes. Thank you for stopping by my blog 🙂
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Hello there.
I have found that when one is always honest and sticks to what one says, “yes” will mean yes and “no” will mean no and people will respect them for it (Matthew 5:37).
Thanks for sharing.
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Well said and I do agree. Thanks for stopping by!
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This is so, so true. I live as a bisexual, but my partner is asexual, and it took me a while to come to terms with that. It was very difficult, but I realize the kind of affection I was asking for was just not in her “wiring”. And I definitely didn’t want her to say ‘yes’ to all of that just to please me. So we compromise, especially since I realize that element of our relationship would have faded over time anyway (as our bodies get older). 🙂
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Right! Having the other person do something cos of sheer happiness of others could be fine once, but not always. Thanks for sharing Alex.
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This is something I’m just learning how to do and as guilty as I thought I was going to feel,the first few times I said “No,” I found I just felt proud of myself and a bit of a new lease on life! https://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2015/04/15/one-word-photo-challenge-eigengrau/comment-page-1/#comment-6072
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Yes, once you start, you can see that it brings in that confidence to be able to decide what’s best for ourselves.
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Absolutely! Saying yes and pleasing others was something I always did. But now I make a conscious effort to voice my opinion wherever it matters. Though it was difficult, I soon realized that the little word “No” can bring a lot of relief 🙂
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Well said – it does bring in a lot of relief!
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Before I say no to some one I think hundred times but now I have realised that wikth one frank n0,wonders can be achieve
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So right! we think 100 times to say 1 No – what a waste of time. Thank you Usha ji for stopping by!
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Saying no is hard, but that’s the right thing to do many times. I am also learning to do say no. 🙂
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Good..let’s do it!
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Parul, while reading this post, I felt I was reading a fiesty English woman! You sounded totally convincing and point well put- instead of doing half-heartedly, just say no… We asians in this a bit- and the assertive part- well I am also trying!
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Let’s just do bit by bit. Say no using nice words as in the picture above and master the art 🙂 Thank yoU!
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I used to be one of those people who could never say no to others…I always liked to please and didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I think I also wanted people to approve of me and like me. People ended up taking advantage of me and soon I picked up the courage to say no and it was the most free-ing thing ever.
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I Am trying to learn today No but am not making much progress:) Will continue to try.
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Keep trying…That’s more important..
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Saying No is one thing I still have difficulty with. I struggle to say No but end up saying Yes and then repent over it!
New Moon
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Oh no! That’s not fair to yourself.
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Love the quote by Paulo Coelho. We should remember that before we say yes or no.
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Thanks Suzy – yes, it says so much!
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Before saying -NO , i think a little bit . generally i avoid the situation . To friends we can say NO , in close relation we have to be careful and in professional life straightforward NO can fire us . I think it varries in different relationships and situations .
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I see your point. There are situations and people but we need to rise about that and learn to put ourselves first. May be start by being polite and doing things our way.
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It does take a lot of courage to say No. Specially when you feel that it’s going to hurt someone. I suffer from that and find it very hard to say no, thinking that it’s rude. But with time, I am learning too 🙂
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Hurting others becomes a big deal for me too. Trying is the best way out!
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True that. I find it difficult to say No many a times. And one of my favourite quotes is from Gandhiji- ” A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.” . Thanks for sharing this topic!
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That was a great quote. Glad you shared! 🙂
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It has taken a while, but finally, I am able to say a firm No, if anything does not gel well with my sensibilities. It was tough but glad that it finally happened. 🙂
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Good for you. I an trying and it is WIP.
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Thanks for the post. I’ve been working on saying no and not worrying about disappointing people even when a no is because I can’t do something not because I don’t want to. It’s good to know others are trying to say no too.
Thanks
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We are all in the same boat 😀
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It’s very difficult for a woman, for a wife, for a mother to say no every time. There’s always someone vying for your attention, needing your help. It becomes nearly impossible to say no. But there are some times when we need to put ourselves first and do what we like to do. Just sometimes 🙂
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That’s so right. But I also wonder why only woman feel that. Why don’t men too? Children, parents are equal responsibilities of both man and woman. Right?
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I am still working on this..!
Loved your take..
Cheers
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Thanks Geetika!
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Great Parul – and we chose the same word today N for No. Totally agree – we have to say No, and get better at saying it- in order to be happy and not compromise our own will and identity. Loved your write up on this:-)
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Thanks Eli. I am late to check out our post. Let me do that right away 🙂
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It certainly is easier in principle for sure Parul! 😉 However, when we don’t care what people think or say about us, it becomes easier! 😉 ❤
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Ha ha! so right! 😉
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Oh I so wish I can master this. It is still a WIP for me. 😦
*Shantala @ ShanayaTales*
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Me too! 😀
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With you on every word. But it’s easier said than done. I still find difficulty doing that even though I know that’s how it should be. If only, we could learn to say no !!
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Jyotsna, just try like I do. Take a deep breath, smile and say a polite NO – that’s my mantra 🙂
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Great post, Parul. A very relevant topic for women who often have trouble saying no and end up feeling stressed and resentful. I’m much better at saying no now in middle age than when I was younger and trying to be more of a people pleaser. NO more!
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Yes, Cathy. This is a difficult feat for so many of us. We should never stop trying though 🙂 NO more!
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This is something that definitely needs to be incorporated in daily life in a gradual way as to not disrupt harmony 🙂 I suffer from this and as you said, feel stressed about it later. Thanks for sharing !
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Same is the case with me many times! So, like me, you can try 🙂 Thank you EM!
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